Frank Loesser, Composer Of Baby, It’s Cold Outside, Rewrites Other Christmas Classics

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
So, I guess that means we have to do it
And since we’re both in this room
How ‘bout if I take off my pants?
Man, it doesn’t show signs of stoppin’
Nor do I, since I’m bad with boundaries,
The lights are turned way down low,
‘cause I didn’t pay the bill



What Child Is This?

What child is this?
Is she eighteen?
I’m asking you, is she legal?
I’ll look in her purse
when she’s in the can
I mustn’t go back to jail.
Oh, look! She is of age,
but she also has some pepper spray.
Maybe I’ll just close her bag
I’m allergic to pepper spray.



O Holy Night

O holy night the stars are brightly shining
It is the night I’m most likely to score
I have a hard time making adult connections
I have to trick people into touching me.
A thrill of hope when they don’t run away
Because the ice makes driving treacherous
O- snow tires!
I didn’t know you had those
But are you good to drive?
I made that last drink pretty strong.



Drummer Boy

Come, they told me
Pa rum pum pum pum
Lots of drunk skirt to see
Pa rum pum pum pum
They’re all on Winter break
Pa rum pum pum pum
Just bring some cash to buy their
Rum rum rum rum
They like their rum
Pay for their rum
and try to get some.



It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Yes, everyone’s drinking and feeling so lonely,
and holding back tears
I will pounce soon as she puts down her beer.
It’s the hap-happiest season of all
There’ll be much mistletoeing
Do you have a boyfriend?
Why isn’t he here?
No one knows why I think this is OK.



O Tannenbaum

O Christmas tree O Christmas tree
I guess it’s you and me now
O Christmas tree O Christmas tree
No you can’t run away.
You’re pointy at the very top
Not pointy where a dame should be
The needles are a little much
But not a dealbreaker, apparently.