Rockstars' Flirtations *

You are the sun, I am the moon. You are the words, I am the tune. Play me. –Neil Diamond


Sorry, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Today's cartoon by Kyle Bravo.

How To Get Your Rock Band To Hit It Big, Without Getting Better

Crowd Surf: This may not strike you as the best idea when you’re playing at the community teen center in front of a sparse audience of 8th graders with the upper body physiques of Beavis and Butt-Head. Don’t worry. Go ahead and jump, and immediately join the ranks of Bruce Springsteen and Iggy Pop.

CARTOON: Style Over Sound

Face the Music. Today's cartoon by Rose Anne Prevec.

Colonoscopy Prep Playlist for Generation X (Kind of in Order, at Least Based on My Colon’s Behavior)

'Everybody Hurts' - REM, 'Drain you' - Nirvana, 'Deep Inside of You' - Third Eye Blind, and more!

The Great Rock Debate: The Beatles or The Dino Dudes?

While the Beatles touring time in the US was somewhat limited due to what can only be described as Beatlemania, those lucky enough to see the Fab 4 play in person will tell you that John, Paul, George, and Ringo more than effectively commanded the stage. Whether or not the same can be said for The Dino Dudes is up for some debate. Whereas the Beatles’ 1964 North American Tour is well documented by way of online clips and documentaries, footage of the Dino Dudes was lost to poor camera placement.

Items Found in Burning Man’s Porta Potties

Spiked corset with whistles and pulleys, Hammer pants with sewn on aerial dance ribbons, Mosaic policeman’s cap with jingle bells, and more!

Depressing Karaoke Night

HOST: Oh, you came.  Welcome to Depressing Karaoke Night.  If you’re not bummed yet, you totally will be. 

Album Names For Your Dad's Bluegrass Cover Band

Dixie With Myself, Dark Side of the Moonshine, Wish You Were Deer, and more!

Billboard’s Greatest Hits Rewritten By AI

R-E-S-P-GPT, Prompt Me Baby One More Time, Bye Bye Bye-nary. And more!


R2U2, HAL and Oats, Stone Temple Autopilots, and more #RobotARockBand on this week's trending joke game!

Conversations I’ve Had With My Playlist 

Undone - The Sweater Song - Weezer: If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk away. Me: GOD, NO! It’s gorgeous.

The Tax-Hating Hidden Messages Inside Shakira’s Music

My Hips Don’t Lie (But I Do, About My Taxes) And more!

Unsolved Mysteries: Who’s that Lady?

This special episode of “Unsolved Mysteries” on Netflix is dedicated to understanding one of the most confounding mysteries in pop music history: Who’s that lady? You know the one. She fills our hearts and minds, brought somewhat to life through song lyrics devoid of significant detail or description.


Iron Maiden Deficiency, Motley Croup, Food POISONing, and more #HeavyMetalMaladies on this week's trending joke game!

Feminist Anthems Rewritten to Accurately Promote Multi-Level Marketing Schemes  

“Girl, You’re Out of Funds” (Tune: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper) …Emailing, in the mornin’ light, / This work-from-home business has ruined your life./ A pyramid scam, an unfortunate one. / Oh, girl, you're out of funds… Oh, girl, you're out of funds…

RottingStone Magazine

Visiting The Rock n’ Roll Hall Of Maim, 'Name That Tomb' with Casey Kasem, Jerry Garcia Seance- Gratefully Dead, Or Not So Much? and more in RottingStone Magazine!

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Exposed Himself On Stage At The Music Festival

Here’s an important rule to remember about penises: they should never be a surprise. You need consent from whoever you plan on showing your dingaling to before it makes an appearance. I don’t recall you getting on the mic and asking for the audience’s permission.

I’m A 9 Year Old Piano Prodigy And Pay No Mind To The Scars All Over My Body

I want to thank all of you for making it here tonight. I’m glad you were all able to dodge the falling pianos that I've heard so much about, raining all over innocent people when they go outside for too long or forget to study their sheet music. 

We Are Flowers, and We’re Here to Melt Your Fucking Face Off

Are you ready for this, my barren rock garden babies? Can you handle it? Well, then let’s go! Shrink your goddamn pupils, mother fuckers -- these savage hues are going to char your cones.

We Are Here To Inform You That Our Queen Cover Band Only Plays ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love'

When you come to view us we hope that you will respect that for 80 mins you will only hear various versions of the 1979 hit, and we would appreciate it if you don’t yell out other song requests.

Seven Festive Medleys For the 2021 Holiday Season

You better watch out/ You better not fly/ You better mask up/ I’m telling you why/ Omicron is coming to town.

Trump Live-Tweets the Cats Movie

I can’t stand back and watch Macavity defy the Law of the beautiful city of London. Total lack of leadership from Boris Johnson. If I were in charge over there, Macavity would not be the bafflement of Scotland Yard. Because he’d be IN JAIL!

An Open Letter of Apology to My Future Self For Introducing Our Toddler to “Whoomp, There It Is” by Tag Team 

It won’t seem that bad the first dozen times you have Tag Team in full effect, kicking the flow with DC The Brain Supreme, and his man Steve Roll’n. We’re party people, right? We like to jump, jump rejoice, just like anyone else does. You might even think you imagined the potential harm that my decision could cause. But if I let you believe that, I’d be gaslighting you. The party is over here and it’s over there.

AirBnB Listing for the Love Shack

Other Things to Note: The air conditioner is busted, so you might find yourself wearin’ next to nothing ‘cause it’s hot as an oven. Also, the whole shack shimmies when everybody’s movin’ around. Will this be an issue? Only if you find yourselves having a pure and innocent dance party! 

CARTOON: String Quartet

Make sure you are tuned up. Today's cartoon by Aliénor Meyer.

Give Your Dad the Best Father’s Day Gift Ever: A Long, Rambling Conversation About Steely Dan

So, you’ll need to introduce a suggestive phrase that’s maybe something like this: “So I discovered Steely Dan on Spotify.” At this point, you might not need to say anything for the next hour or five.


Boyz II Mantis, Ladybug Gaga, My Morning Yellow Jacket. and more #BugABand on this weeks trending joke game!

Blow the Roof Off Your Gender Reveal Party With Kickass Pyrotechnics From These Baby-Themed Cover Bands For Hire

Quiet (It’s Nap Time) Riot, Insane Clown Pacifier, Guns N’ Roses N’ Button Noses, and more!

Jolene Sings “Vaccine” to the Tune of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” to Dolly Parton Herself!

I'm begging Dolly for just one inoculation / Vaccine, Vaccine, Vaccine, Vaccine / I’m sorry I used your man for copulation

Now That's What I Call Christmas! 2020

Rudolph, The Disgraced Lawyer, All I Want For Christmas Are My Two Vaccines, Do You Fear What I Fear? And more!


Electric Blanket Orchestra, The Brrrrryrds, Hall & Coats, and more #ColdABand on this week's trending joke game!

The Son From ‘Cats in The Cradle’ Would Like To Correct The Narrative

“My child arrived just the other day/He came to the world in the usual way” ~ Actually, my birth story’s quite harrowing. Dad, like most mid-twentieth century men, wasn’t even in the room. Mom was in labor for fifteen brutal hours. Far from “usual,” I’d say. 


Burger Kings of Leon, Uncle Cracker Barrel, Maroon 5 Guys, and more #RockBandRestaurants on this week's trending joke game!


Panic! At The Dildo, Spinal WAP, Death Cab for Booty, and more #RaunchyRockBands on this week's trending joke game!

Gen-X Songs Adjusted For Middle Age In Times Of Covid

It’s the end of the word as we know it, and I need wine (It’s the end of the word as we know it, REM)


The Mamas and the Pastas, Justin Beefer, David Lee Broth, and more #BandAFood on this week's trending joke game!

Where are they now: John Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane Look Back on Nearly Forty Years of Marriage

What was it like growing up in the heartland? Jack: Well, back then we didn’t have a care in the world.  We’d spend all of our days suckin’ on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freez.  That may have contributed to my heart disease and Diane’s diabetes.

A Look Back on the Beatles, the Worst Band of the 1990s

“I Wanna Be Your Terminator 2” “With a Little Help from My Friends (Theme from Friends)” “You’re Gonna Lose That Macarena Girl” and more!

What Your Favorite Eagles Song Says About the Way You End Relationships

Doolin-Dalton: You don’t end relationships because you don’t have relationships.

Witnesses Describe A Dueling Piano Bar Performance That Ended In Bloodshed

Agnes, 72 -- “He crawled on top of the piano trying to be sexy while holding back tears. The guy dressed as Pinocchio started singing and playing a made up song called “Piano-cchio Man” by pecking each key with his long nose. It was a clever play on words but a really long way to go for it.

CARTOON: Happy Tune

Whistle a happy tune. This song is PERFECT, TREMENDOUS. THE BEST! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Announcing the Ex-Boyfriend Reunion Tour

We've picked the perfect venue for this disastrous occasion: the really cool bar that you introduced all of them to. You know, the one where they now take girls who they're trying to sleep with to "hang out." Not that you still watch their Instagram stories or anything. Please.

The Best Goddamned Surprise 30th Birthday Party Ever

Katie, I swear, you must be the village idiot.  I know you would never park your car right in front of a SURPRISE party, now would you? Did you not think Karen wouldn’t recognize your SEXYGRL license plate and wonder what you are doing here?


I'm Hooked On A Riesling, Every Rosé Has it's Thorn. Into The Grape Wide Open, and more #WineASong on this week's joke game!

Quiz: Death Row Or Hasbro?

Hasbro buys Death Row Records, do you know which is which?  Ready, set, go...

CARTOON: Rocked City

Rocked City. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton and Adam Cooper.

Conspiracy Fest Summer 2019 Live Music Lineup Announced!

Fluo Rida Lil Nas Vaxx, Chemtrail Brothers and more!

David Byrne’s Other Suits

Three small suits tied together. Medium Suit, tiny David Byrne. Russian nesting suit. And more.

Other Ways to Celebrate Woodstock 50

Go back and listen to the music that made Woodstock, perhaps for the first time while sober.

Talkward w/ guest Jessica Delfino

Today on Talkward is musical comedy extraordinaire Jessica Delfino! Jessica is a critically acclaimed and award winning comedic musician who has performed her quirky comedy songs all over the world. She launched the New York Comedy Music Festival (first called the Funny Songs festival) in 2012. We discuss her newest album ‘Songs To make War to (14 Anarchist Anthems for the Whole Family)’ Botnik Studios, Mom Comedy shows and she reads host Marty Dundics with her 40% accurate Psychic powers!

Cardi D Minus and 11 Other Discounted Bands Announce Summer Tours

The Pips, No Gladys, Perturbed Against The Machine, Some Doubt, The Jonas Brothers’ Cousins and more budget concerts coming this summer!

Brandy, of the song “Brandy,” Issues a Point-by-Point Rebuttal

I write to address a number of striking similarities between the details described in your lyrics and elements of our brief affair at Asbury Park last summer.

New Coachella Ticket Add-Ons

Use of trans-dimensional portal to visit Earth-2’s famous music and arts festival, Craig T Nelsonella. ($850 up charge)

2019 Lollapalooza Act or Font

Ariana Grande, Lulo Clean, Childish Gambino and more 'Font Or Band'. Guys, Comic Sans was snubbed AGAIN.

A Note To Ringo Starr From The Association Of Octopus Gardeners

To be quite honest, we are alarmed at the errors and misconceptions so wantonly presented in your lyrics. We squirted a day’s worth of ink to write you this letter, so we do hope you listen.

Frank Loesser, Composer Of Baby, It’s Cold Outside, Rewrites Other Christmas Classics

What child is this? Is she eighteen? I’m asking you, is she legal? I’ll look in her purse when she’s in the can I mustn’t go back to jail.

Busta Dissident And 7 Other Rapper Names For Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin wants Russia to control rap music.  So, to give…

‘105 Luftballons’ and 9 Other Rock ‘N Roll Recounts

With all the hullabaloo surrounding the recent recounts in Florida and Georgia, the following tunes were given a recount. The results tabulated as follows...

Every Beatle, Ranked

Cute Beatle: Paul, Smart Beatle: John, Quiet Beatle: George, Funny Beatle: Ringo, Evil Beatle: Azrael and more.

Sickly Bands

art by Dan McConnell

Pop Music Challenges To Try After Drake’s KiKi Challenge

If you’ve already completed Drake’s challenge, which involves…

Upgraded Beatles Lyrics 2.0

All You Need Is Like, Like Is All You Need Yelp! I Need…

The Best Lyrics From Limp Bizkit’s New Apology Album

Limp Bizkit’s highly anticipated sixth studio album, Stampede…

Mumford, No Son and 11 Other Discounted Bands Announce Spring/Summer Tours

In an effort to keep ticket prices down the recording industry…

That's The Laws of Planetary Motion (Ooh) – Johann Kepler (Feat. Drake) and 11 other Scientific American Music Award Winners

 I Wanna Be Your Salivating Dog - Ivan Pavlov (Feat. The Stooges) Nuthin’…

Top Selling Christian Rock Albums Since Trump’s Presidential Win

Turn The Orange Cheek Prayer Warriors Small Hands, Big…

Deepak Chopra's Greatest Hits (feat. Justin Bieber)

Proof that by adding “Baby, baby, baby, oh" to a Deepak Chopra…

What Abbreviated Band Names are Actually Short For

10cc. Member Lol Creme would always ask band mate Kevin Godley…

8 Acts Weirder Than Hans Zimmer Playing Coachella

Think Hans Zimmer playing Lion King at Coachella this weekend…