Here Are The Oscar Favorites. No, Not Those — Our Favorite People Named Oscar

Now that the other Oscars have gotten their boring nominee announcement out of the way, the world can focus on the contenders vying for true Oscar-worthiness! Impress everyone at your Favorite Oscar party with your knowledge of the nominees!

Oscar the Grouch 

 Beloved by millions despite living in a trash can. The “poor man’s Elmo,” according to Elmo.

Oscar Madison 

The messy one in The Odd Couple. Convinced us being a slob was fun, really pissing off our significant others.

Oscar Isaac

Did a funky dance in Ex Machina. Lesser credits include graduating from Juilliard and appearing in some Star Wars movies.

Oscar Wilde 

Novelist, playwright, poet. Self-proclaimed genius. Famous quote: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” For some reason, we take this personally.

Oscar Robertson

Twelve-time NBA All-Star. Cool nickname: “The Big O,” which played well with the ladies. First player to average a “triple-double” for a full season (this refers to averaging at least ten points, rebounds, and assists per game. Or maybe it also has something to do with the ladies?).

Oscar de la Renta

World famous fashion designer, but did not win a single professional fight.

Oscar de la Hoya

World famous boxer, but did not design a single professional dress.

Oscar Mayer

Founder of the meat company whose sixty year old jingle you still probably know.

Oscar Hammerstein

 Half of the famous playwriting duo Rodgers and Hammerstein (he was the Hammerstein half). Somehow tolerated two decades in this partnership despite Rodgers being a non-Oscar (Rodgers was a Richard. Hammerstein really must have wanted to bust his balls for that embarrassment, but Oscar’s middle names were Greeley and Clendenning, so he probably steered clear of name dragging).

PROJECTED WINNER… Oscar Mayer! This by virtue of being the only nominee to own a wiener-shaped car. (Before you fire off your angry rebuttals, Oscar Wilde merely leased one for six months in 1894).

Check your local listings for The Oscar Awards Which Are A Completely Different Event Than The Academy Awards. You’ll find it some weeknight at 2:30 a.m., when you can’t sleep, on the TV Guide Channel.