I, A High-Profile Democrat, Would Very Much Like It If You Allowed Me to Be Clear

Let me be clear. Would you, please? I would love to be clear, as long as it’s okay with you. So if you would be so kind as to allow that to happen, it would mean a lot to me. Just want to make that clear.

Let me be clear. I cannot possibly be clear unless you permit it. So what do you say? To make this as clear as possible, I have a permission slip here for you to fill out. It’s quite simple: “Permission to be clear is given.” Will you sign and date it? And do so clearly?

Let me be clear. Sorry if that came off as too forceful. I did not intend it as a command. More of an ask, really. Totally up to you. Feel free to say no! But I’d prefer it if you were pro-clarity. Of all the times to not be clear, this is not one of them. Clearly.

Let me be clear. If that’s not in the cards, I’m afraid my prepared remarks here tonight will be much less clear. If that’s in any way unclear, let me explain.

Will you let me? I have another permission slip for that: “Permission to explain.” I think that’s clear enough.

Good. So let me explain: Without your approval to be clear, my lack of clarity would require immediate clarification—something I would clearly be unable to provide. You see? The whole thing would be unclear. Is that clear?

Now that I’ve made that point with the utmost clarity, let me be clear. As soon as you’re ready. I still haven’t received any indication that you will let me be clear. What is clear is that you haven’t signed that permission slip. I’m concerned. I have a bunch of good ideas here, but if you don’t let me be clear, you’ll never hear them.

Let me be clear. There is no good reason why you shouldn’t. There are plenty of good reasons why you should. That much is quite clear. Crystal, even.

To clarify: With your authorization, I am going to be so clear that it will be impossible to make a clear and convincing case to the contrary. Without your express written consent, you’ll get the clear opposite of clarity: Mumbo jumbo. Gibberish. Maybe even gobbledygook. I wouldn’t risk it if I were you. The right path forward is clear.

So, I humbly ask you, on whose decision the most important speech of my life depends: Will you let me be clear?

Okay, great! Thank you. Thank you so much.

Now let me be clear: My time on stage has run out.