Easy Costume = Creative Topical Halloween Success!

Make America Great Again Hat = victim of inbreeding and / or severe emotional abuse (add a bit of drool to your lower lip for extra effect).

Tattoos of everyone’s name that you’ve met over the past several hours = Pete Davidson

Military-grade poncho worn on a partly cloudy day = CNN field weather reporter.

Generic movie-star costume = sex offender.

Elderly family member with shingles on a leash = you’re now a zombie wrangler.

Liberal splash of expired English Leather cologne, vodka / deli meat breath = your Uncle Travis.

Pick at any bug bites or small cuts on your arms and face = voodoo doll between gigs

Shave back hair, glue together with glitter and place into a Ziploc bag = Etsy seller.

Nice pair of slacks and a shirt, plus tweed sports jacket = Charles Manson (not that one; the English teacher and father of three from Nebraska).

Professionally tailored tuxedo = Bizarro world Walmart customer.

Just out of hours-long dental appointment = President Trump speaking at rally through loosened dentures.

Ill-fitting My Little Pony t-shirt = Humanities professor on the weekend.