I Had Hope For Humanity, Until I Read My NextDoor Feed
Karen
Oak Meadow • 2 wks ago
This is an open letter to my neighbor on Pine Creek Lane about respecting boundaries. I’m not gonna name him but it rhymes with Harry. This morning my dog Moe was whimpering and distressed, so I checked the Ring video and saw disturbing footage of you on my driveway carrying my morning paper. I appreciate your moving it off the gutter, but your actions triggered Moe to defend our property. Confronted, you swatted him viciously with the paper. Moe is severely traumatized, and I expect you to pay for his therapy. Also, not trying to be the fashion police here, but those low cut shorts? No one wants to see that.
Larry Oak Meadow
Karen, your attack dog was going for my jugular. It was either him or me. Frankly you’re the one that needs therapy. If it includes a lobotomy, I’ll be happy to chip in.
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Nancy
Oak Meadow • 2 wks ago
As president of the Pleasant Hills Preservation Society, I was devastated by the city council’s vote to certify the residential zoning changes. While we appeal the decision, I am asking, nay begging, homeowners not to split their lots or build multi units. Don’t get me wrong, I love our essential workers. They’re the backbone of our society. But we don’t want to turn Pleasant Hills into another sh*thole town where they can actually afford to live here.
Nelson Oak Meadow
Sorry, NIMBY Nancy, but it’s too late. I’ve already split my lot and am installing a nuclear generator on the second one to power my three-story crypto mining rig. Personally, I think this boring town can use a spark!
City of Pleasant Hills Civic Center
This comment was brought to our attention. Please bear in mind that nuclear reactors are not permitted under the new zoning rules.
Nelson Oak Meadow
Okay people don’t have a meltdown. It’s a small modular reactor, not Fukushima. And the energy is carbon free. Isn’t that what you eco fascists want?
City of Pleasant Hills
Civic Center • 13 days ago
The city’s landfill reduction pilot program is underway. Your organic waste is being converted to fertilizer for local farms. Please keep any inorganic material out of those yellow buckets!
Nelson Oak Meadow
This is an idiotic idea! You have no idea what people dump in those buckets. I will avoid the farmers market like the plague until this program is stopped.
Chester Chatsworth Palmer
It’s great to see PH being so forward thinking and progressive.
Nelson Oak Meadow
I’d like to order 3 bags of wool. Because you’re a sheep! 🐑
Karen
Oak Meadow • 13 days ago
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I found a big dog poop turd on my doorstep this morning. I’m literally shaking. Neighbors: when you walk your dogs, it is your responsibility to carry poop bags and clean up!
Larry Oak Meadow
That was no dog, I left it myself. 💩Consider it a deposit toward Moe’s therapy.
😡5 😂12
Lopez Farms
Pleasant Hills (Unincorporated) • 10 days ago
Hey everyone. Lopez farms is participating in the town’s waste fertilizer program. Unfortunately, since yesterday my pig Maybelline is very sick and struggling to breathe. The vet thinks she has a peanut allergy that flared up when she rolled in the tainted dirt. I’ve set up a GoFundMe campaign to pay for her treatment, please donate whatever you can. For the time being, please keep peanuts out of your organic waste bins. Thank you!
Chester Chatsworth Palmer
I made a donation and will keep Maybelline in my prayers
Nelson Oak Meadow
For chrissakes, it’s a pig! WTF is the matter with you? Just put it out of its misery and sell us some ham!
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Karen
Oak Meadow • 6 days ago
My dog Moe escaped! He’s a 120lb Rottweiler, see photos below. Call my cell immediately if you see him.
Nancy Oak Meadow
I’ll be looking out. Your pooch is in my thoughts and prayers.
Larry Oak Meadow
Karma’s a bitch, ain’t she?
Chester
Chatsworth Palmer • 4 days ago
Did someone lose a dog? I was out walking and a big dog attacked me and bit my leg. I swatted him with a bag of cannabis edibles but he wrestled the bag away and ran off.
Karen Oak Meadow
That might be my dog Moe! Which direction did he run?
Chester Chatsworth Palmer
He was headed east toward the farms.
Larry Oak Meadow
Chester, guess you and I can split Moe’s therapy bill LOL!
Chester Chatsworth Palmer
???
Nelson
Oak Meadow • 3 days ago
This may seem a little random, but does anyone have any spare uranium? My package delivery was looted by porch pirates. My reactor will be ready to go online on Thursday and I’m short about 50 kilos.
Rod Chatsworth Palmer
My buddy might have plutonium. He used to work at the DOE. Will that work?
Nelson Oak Meadow
Not sure, let me check with the vendor.
Nelson Oak Meadow
I couldn’t reach the vendor but I think it’s okay. I’ll PM you about pricing and delivery. Thanks!
Nancy Oak Meadow
WTF?!
Lopez Farms
Pleasant Hills (Unincorporated) • 2 days ago
Big thanks to the whole community for your kind words and donations. Maybelline is off the ventilator and recovering at home. She’s still congested and has a lot of boogers, but her appetite is improving, she even ate a pancake this morning.
Nelson Oak Meadow
Did you serve the pancakes with bacon? 🐷
Chester
Chatsworth Palmer • 16 hr ago
Did anyone else hear an explosion around 1:30AM?
Rod Chatsworth Palmer
Yes! What was that??? Didn’t sound like thunder. Kinda like a bomb.
Jennifer Chatsworth Palmer
Same here. My cats totally freaked out, it was loud!
17 more comments…
City of Pleasant Hills
Civic Center • 8 hr ago
There was an explosion in Oak Meadows overnight, apparently at the site of an unlicensed nuclear reactor on Pine Creek Lane. First responders are at the scene, and we will release further details as they become available.
Chester Chatsworth Palmer
Wow, I hope everyone is okay!
City of Pleasant Hills
Civic Center • 6 hr ago
Update on the blast: our first responders have been looking for survivors, but unfortunately it looks like everyone on Pine Creek Lane has been vaporized. Gentle reminder that the town is not zoned for nuclear energy production.
😢36
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Lopez Farms
Pleasant Hills (Unincorporated) • 3 hr ago
Last night a dog broke into the barn, ate three bags of bird feed and was found sleeping with my pig Maybelline. He seems very sweet and mellow. I tried calling the number on the dog’s collar but it keeps going to voicemail.
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I am a software engineer by day, comedy writer by night. New York transplant living in Silicon Valley. I write humorous skits, short stories and standup material.
