Santa’s Secrets

During his off season, has elves working around the clock on a generic-brand morning after pill.

He’s lactose intolerant, and pours all of those glasses of milk right down the sink.

Has placed Don Jr on the Forever Naughty List for continually attempting to hunt and kill Rudolph.

Was not trying on that women’s sexy underwear for personal reasons, but was simply doing a bit of product testing.

Still covering up the accidental deaths of several dozen elves who fell into the machine that makes Rubik’s Cubes back in the 80’s.

Accidentally stepped on your cat a few years ago, but brought it back using Christmas Magic; that’s why its been acting like the cat from Pet Semetary recently.