Little Known Facts About St. Patrick’s Day

St. Patrick’s Day is named in honor of the two-time Olivier Award winning actor, Sir Patrick Stewart. But, when abbreviated to St. Pat’s Day, it’s named for Pat Sajak.

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This holiday is always held on March 17th. Except for one held in 1988 when everyone collectively forgot and celebrated instead on March 18th. 

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Contrary to popular belief, St. Patrick’s Day has nothing to do with the Irish. In fact, its origins stem from a Dutch chocolate coin manufacturer hoping to monopolize the highly contentious chocolate coin industry.

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Four-leaf clovers aren’t that lucky. Five-leaf clovers, on the other hand, are very lucky. Six-leaf clovers are even luckier. Seven-leaf clovers? Clearly, you have glued together two clovers, you charlatan.

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The difference between a shamrock and a four-leaf clover is that the words are spelled with different letters in different orders.

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The official color of this holiday is not green, but rather Sir Patrick Stewart’s favorite color: Mountbatten Pink.

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If someone pinches you for not wearing green, you will automatically be granted full immunity if you punch them for being an ignorant person who lacks boundaries.

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The first parade for St. Paddy’s occurred in 1965 when a woman named Patty lost her house keys. Her neighbors followed her around the neighborhood to help her look, and soon enough the whole town of Peoria lined the streets, cheering and shouting, even though they didn’t know what they were shouting for. Patty’s keys were never found.

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Large cities like Chicago dye their river green each year to blend in any vomit spewed by people who’ve been drinking since 10 AM.

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Every time a drunk man stumbles, a leprechaun gets its wings.

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That’s right, leprechauns can fly. In fact, most leprechauns are pigeons with top hats and buckled shoes.

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Devoted celebrators of St. Patrick’s Day gather outside of Sir Patrick Stewart’s house and sing him St. Patrick’s Day carols.

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What’s a St. Patrick’s Day carol, you ask? Why, the most popular one is called Noisy Night, which is Silent Night sung with a sarcastic tone.

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If you see a snake on St. Patrick’s Day, you must sing Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” to send it back to where it came from. Do not sing “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”

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Corned beef and cabbage exist only on this holiday. Any leftover corned beef and cabbage will turn into a honey-glazed Easter ham at the stroke of midnight.

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Although Guiness is the most consumed beverage on this holiday, the most sought-after beverage is a Gold Rush tossed back with Sir Patrick Stewart while he soothes you into a deep hibernation, lasting until next year’s St. Patrick’s Day.