MAGAmmendments to the Ten Commandments

1st Commandment:  Thou shall not have any other gods before me.  And by me, I mean me, Trump.  This God of yours had a good run, hell of a guy, but let’s face it, he’s been on his way out for awhile now.

1st Commandment addendum: Thou shall not make me into graven imaginary (not to include bitcoin, NFTs, fake bibles, limited edition coins and plates, hats, shot glasses, and more to be amended at a later date).

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2nd Commandment: Thou shall not take the Lord’s name in vain, which is definitely a big one.  Unless you’re willing to cut me in on the deal and let me get my beak wet, then you can take it in vain to your heart’s content.  Let’s set up a meeting.

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3rd Commandment:  Observe the sabbath day and keep it holey.  Get it?  Like a golf hole, “holey “.  Anyway yeah, get in at least one round of eighteen holes each and every Sunday.

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4th Commandment:  Honor thy mothers and father.  If you’re hot and limber, honor thy father by sitting on his lap while wearing skimpy outfits, that’s probably the best way.

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5th Commandment:  Thou shall not commit murder, but c’mon, let’s be realistic.  Just do your best to keep your own hands clean and I’ll do what I can from my end, for the right price .

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6th Commandment:  Thou shall not commit adultery wasn’t originally in the Ten Commandments, did you know that?   It was snuck in by sleepy Joe and the crooked left wing radical media.

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7th Commandment:  Thou shall not steal.  In fact, do everything in your power to stop the steal!!   No commandment has ever been treated this poorly, it’s a true disgrace.

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8th Commandment:  Thou shall not bear false witness against thy  neighbor unless its absolutely necessary to do so in order to get what you want, or to completely destroy anyone who opposes you.   And it’s not bearing false witness if YOU believe it!

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9th Amendment:  Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s house , and luckily why would I need to ?  Check out this house !!  Look at all of this gold, man!  Even the toilet is made of gold!  So yeah, how about you not covet MY house.  Your house sucks.

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10th Commandment:  Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife, who, let’s face it, is maybe a four at best.   As for me, I date models, and let me tell you, when you’re a big celebrity like me, they let you do whatever you want.   Kiss them, grab their pussies, you can do it all.