Shocking Redacted Bits From The Mueller Report
And although not technically “snuff films” in the strictest sense of the words, ████████████████ , including, but not limited to, ████████████████ plus several garbage bags of charred boy scout uniforms, and at least a dozen urine-soaked tea cozies.
Preliminary findings seem to indicate that the savage bite marks on the wooden rocking horse ████████████████ , although the presence of several large ███████████ of Sodium Pentothal hidden in the hollow spaces of ████████████████ and baby doll toys would seem to indicate otherwise.
The subject of investigation does not seem to fear an afterlife, so the idea that he participates in devil worship is ████████████████ and the discovery of dozens upon dozens of audio tapes featuring the sounds of, ████████████████ , muffled screams and distorted ████████████████ music would seem to back up this theory.
Although why████████████████ amputees would be hired as professional jugglers ████████████████ the discovery of ████████████████ and kitten souls trapped within the cursed ████████████████ doesn’t go nearly far enough to explain the piles of hornet corpses that litter the back porch of the White House.
Not illegal, perhaps, but certainly what most ████████people would consider to be morally █████████████, the life-sized sculpture of a very well-endowed Putin made from █████████████chicken McNuggets, and the tears of immigrant children suddenly lurched violently, and with a ███████████wheeze, sprung to life, managing to ████████████████ who allowed his sneer to curl into a smile, as the soul transference completed it’s unholy work.
What appeared at first to be the walls of the Oval Office bleeding turned out to be instead random splatterings of barbecue dipping sauce from several local fast food eateries, although the mysterious ████████████████ would later prove to be several cases of unopened VHS copies of████████████████ Electric Bugaloo.
Initially believed to be tooth floss scattered loosely throughout the halls, was instead stitching wire used by Secret Service agents to bind their eyes shut upon discovering that ████████████████ , wet ████████████████ and these were later simply shuffled off to the basement of the White House, along with all of the others.
The words, “No Collusion” had been scrawled with a child-like hand onto each surface of the small restroom, written with what could only be ████████████████ and didn’t even wipe them off of the walls before the next day’s tour groups could discover the ███████████ and horrific scene.
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence