Meet The Newest Smurfs!
With the exciting new Smurfs movie coming out this summer you might be asking yourself, ‘who are these new Smurfs?’ Well that’s exactly what we said! So Kit Lively went undercover for months trying to get on the inside trust circle over at Paramount Pictures. He got a job as a night janitor, wore disguises, and was promptly fired for being terrible at his job, then he just made up this list:
Trendy Smurf
Smurfs whoever it takes to get more followers and likes on Smurfcial media , including posting popular cat videos of Gargamel’s pet cat Azrael mauling and killing his fellow Smurfs.
Horny Smurfette
Gets paid to show her Smurf online on her OnlySmurfs account. Most notoriously streamed video of herself Smurfing over a hundred Smurfs.
Rapey Smurf
Rumored to be not-so-secretly aligned with Gargamel, this guy is a real Smurfhole. Grabbed Smurfette by the Smurf.
Stalky Smurf
Smurf who tends to get really Smurfy after just one Smurf. In extreme cases some Smurfs are court ordered to stay at least three mushrooms away from their victim.
Buzzy Smurf
Purports to be a social Smurfer, yet typically has Smurfed at least two box Smurfs by mid afternoon. Embarrasses his family constantly by being Smurfed out on the couch before dinner.
Selfie Smurf
Constantly Smurfing photos of himself online, believed to be a direct descendant of Vanity Smurf. Kind of an S word, to be honest.
- About the Author
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
