Originals

Monopoly for Millennials: The Updated Rulebook

Ages: 26 – 41

2 to 8 Players

 

Contents: Gameboard, dice, tokens, Chance and Community Chest cards, play money, 12 AirBnBs, and 32 houses (none of which you will ever be able to afford).

 

Object: The object of the game is to become the wealthiest millennial. The best way to do this is to be born into generational wealth.



 

Preparation: Each player chooses one token to represent themself while traveling around the board. Tokens include:

  1. Oat Milk
  2. iPhone with Cracked Screen
  3. Weed Gummy Bear
  4. Podcast Microphone
  5. Ill-Fitting Bridesmaid Dress (must replace after each use)
  6. Zoloft Tablet
  7. Laughing Crying Face Emoji
  8. Thimble

Each player starts with $1,500, but some players must give the Banker $100 every 10 minutes, in an effort to pay off their student debt.

 

Banker: Make sure to select a player with a trust fund. If no player fits this criteria, opt for the player who has attended private school or whose parents own a country home, pied-à-terre, and/or boat.

 

The Bank: In addition to holding the Bank’s money, the Bank also deals out the cards, houses, and AirBnBs prior to purchase. The Bank can do anything it wants, and there will be no consequences imposed by the government. In fact, the Bank will be given more money as compensation for taking and then losing all your money. This will become increasingly clear throughout the game.

 

The Play: The player with the highest credit limit goes first. Place your token on the corner marked “GO,” roll the dice, and then go wherever you want, because you’ve probably had a credit card since high school, that was paid for by your parents.

 

Property: As mentioned before, there is no possibility of affording property (except for the Banker, who can use their trust fund to “invest in real estate”). As a result, you will be required to pay a 10% increase on rent every time you land on any of the 22 property spaces surrounding the board. Even the lowest-value properties will cost you close to 30% of your gross household income. So your most strategic move would be to avoid property spaces every time you roll the dice.

 

“Chance” and “Community Chest”: When you land on either of these spaces, take the top card from the deck indicated. Follow the instructions and return the card face down to the bottom of the deck. Examples of cards include:

  • Can’t get a job? Pay $30 for LinkedIn Premium.
  • Catch a stomach bug. Too bad there are no sick days in the gig economy. Forfeit your next three turns.
  • Listen to your parent’s advice and just “show up at the CEO’s office with your resume in hand.” Get escorted to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

A Note On Changing the Rules: For a more authentic experience, the rules will sometimes change while playing Monopoly for Millennials™. New information will be relayed directly to the Banker (IE, the wealthiest player), and the remaining players will be responsible for figuring out the new rules as they play. The Banker may enforce these new rules as they see fit, up to and including taking everything owned by the other players, including their token, whenever they so choose.

 

Game End: If a player owes more money than they can pay, they can receive a loan from the Bank (at an interest rate of the Banker’s choosing). Alternatively, a player who owes money can delay paying their credit card bill, which will cause them to rack up credit card debt. This will hurt their credit score and thus make it even more impossible for this player to purchase a home in the future. There is no way for most players to win this game, as they will be stuck paying rent indefinitely.

 

Happy playing!

by Emily Kling

Emily Kling

Emily Kling is a writer based in New Haven, CT, where she is currently pursuing her MBA degree from the Yale School of Management. Her work has appeared in The Weekly Humorist, Points in Case, Little Old Lady Comedy, and The Belladonna. While Emily is often late, she is rarely fashionable. Find her on Twitter @EmilyKling2 or at www.emilyannekling.com.