Originals
Mythological Creatures Bi-Annual Pop Culture Round-Table
Twice a year, dependent upon scheduling concerns, Earth’s mythological creatures meet to discuss today’s hottest celebrities, trends and other bits of pop culture phenomenon. Here is a transcript of a recent get together:
Dave the Unicorn: Okay, are we ready to go ahead with the minutes? Is everyone here yet?
Bigfoot: Well hang on for a second. Speaking of minutes, could we take a few to talk about this sparkling glitter that seems to float around you at all times? What the hell is that? When we finish our meetings, the floor looks like 2 AM when they turn the lights on at a strip club.
Lochness Monster: Ha!
Dave the Unicorn: C’mon man… ugh. Okay, listen… it’s psoriasis, oka?.
Bigfoot: What the fuck, are you serious?? All of that shit is your psoriasis?! How could you not mention that?
Dave the Unicorn: Okay, okay…. I’m sorry! It’s embarrassing. I don’t like to bring it up.
Pixie Fairy: I just figured it was some sort of magical dust or something. I’ve been breathing it in for years, you asshole!
Dave the Unicorn: Jesus Christ, calm down! It’s not poisonous or something. It’s just my dead skin flakes.
Bigfoot: I’m gonna be sick…
Dave the Unicorn: Can we just get started here? This is getting way off topic.
Lochness: I guess the biggest talking point is Taylor Swift. Has there ever been a bigger pop icon? She was literally on the cover of every magazine a month or two ago.
Bigfoot: Ugh, I feel her pain. That’s a rough existence.
Dave the Unicorn: What?? Are you serious? You’ve had your photo taken exactly one time!! Once!!!
Bigfoot: Yeah, but that one photo has been reprinted, like, everywhere. It still counts.
Lochness: Yup, yup… amen brother. That pic of me that’s been floating around for years haunts my every step. Stay strong Taylor!
Dave the Unicorn: Oh good grief.
Bigfoot: You don’t know what its like. You’re in no position to be so flippant.
Carlton the Centaur: I did that porn movie that one time.
Bigfoot: That’s not the same thing, Carlton. And you know it. We talk about this at, like, every meeting.
Carlton: Okay, okay.
Pixie Fairy: Can we please be dismissed now? This sparkly psoriasis is really beginning to choke me over here.
Dave the Unicorn: C’mon guys. I’m beginning to feel like I’m being bullied.
Pixie Fairy: You’re not being bullied, I can’t fucking breathe!
Bigfoot: Okay guys, that’s enough. I don’t think that we’re going to get much accomplished right now. Let’s just call it a day.
Lochness: And let’s not forget to take a moment to send some good vibes out to the Golem again. It’s a real mess over there right now.
Dave the Unicorn: Yes, yes… excellent. And could a few of you guys stick around a grab a broom for the sparkling unicorn dust? Guys? C’mon guys!!
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
