The New School Threat: Grizzly Bears

Sure guns in schools can do SOME bad things, but what’s the REAL threat to our nations youth? Grizzly Bears. We need to do more to prevent these Active Bear Situations (ABS) and thank goodness Trump Secretary of Education pick Betsy DeVos has brought this epidemic to light. But why stop at allowing guns to fight off these widespread bear attacks? We need…

Even More Ways To Protect Our Kids From Grizzly Bears In School

Hire grizzly bear hunters to teach all classes.

No more “Picnic Thursdays”.

Set bear traps underneath every child’s desk.

Cancel unimportant classes, like art, English and history, and replace with classes on killing grizzly bears.

Cardboard standees of our leader, President Donald Trump, on the perimeter of all schools, in order to intimidate and terrify the bears.

Teens no longer able to wear deodorants, perfumes, acne medications, and other items that could possibly attract bears.

Cancellation of all Future Beekeepers of America meetings.

Perimeter surrounding schools set ablaze each day; fires to be monitored by former border patrol guards.