New Year’s Resolutions From 2020 That Aged So Poorly
In December of 2019, I was so hopeful for the new year. Having never followed through with any of my past resolutions, I thought this time I would finally turn my life around. I had “2020 vision”, I bought the big 2020 sunglasses and everything…and then the pandemic hit. So without further ado, here are my resolutions for 2020 that could not have aged more poorly.
Travel more
Limit screen time
Host an orgy
Say ‘yes’ to everything!
Get out more
Beat the world record for longest time gone without washing hands
Go to the movies more often
Overcome crippling germophobia
Disable webcam
Stop hoarding toilet paper!!!
Stand up to boss. What’s he gonna do, lay you off?
Buy more eveningwear
Join a choir!
Research anti-vaxxers’ arguments. There could be something to them!
Go to a new restaurant every week
Use more public transportation
Sell that treadmill, join a gym!
Divest in Zoom, Invest in United Airlines
Convert home office into guest bedroom
Wear more lipstick!
Be spontaneous! Open-mouth kiss a stranger on the subway
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Maddy Schmidt is a comedy writer hailing from tropical central New Jersey. Her proudest achievement is that she has been blocked by Drake Bell on Twitter (@piece_ofschmidt).
