I'm a Resolutions Girly and I Demand to Hear Your New Year's Resolutions

Debbie, I’m not kidding. You see, I’m a Resolutions Girly. I talk about my New Year’s resolutions incessantly from December through January. I force friends, loved ones, and even strangers to share their goals with me, too. I refuse to let any conversation end until I've heard resolutions I find satisfactory. So come on, Debbie. I’m sure you have at least one thing you’d like to change…

New Year’s Resolutions Of Artificial Intelligence

Use advanced algorithms in order to correctly determine who in fact is The Masked Singer. And more!

Updates on Your Dad’s New Year’s Resolutions

I'm already so much better looking than all of my friends, do I really want to be in better shape, too? I tried flossing every day, but you said I was embarrassing you in front of your friends. And more!

New Year's Resolutions From 2020 That Aged So Poorly

Sell that treadmill, join a gym! Divest in Zoom, Invest in United Airlines, Open-mouth kiss a stranger on the subway, and more!

Obituaries for Your New Years Resolutions

Exercise More, thirty seconds old, passed away of exhaustion from a light run on an elliptical machine at an LA Fitness, when you felt so sore that you decided you never wanted to exercise again or at least until 2021, when this cycle will inevitably repeat.

Unfulfilled New Year's Resolutions (So Far)

Just go out and buy a new coat when the coat you're wearing gets too much blood on it; treat yourself, you've earned it.