Other Bits Of Dirt Unearthed By The Mueller Investigation

President Trump is a regular user of Tinkler, the Tinder off-shoot for urine aficionados.

Ivanka Trump has plenty of blood on her hands as well, but only because she finds it to be a reliable skin rejuvenating treatment.

The reason that Melania appears to be so out of it and emotionless much of the time?  She’s dealing with the traumatic experience of being married to Trump by using astral projection.

Vice President Mike Pence insists that his wife gargle with holy water after orally servicing him (which she’s only allowed to do on her birthday).

Evangelical Christians believe that Trump is so sexually aggressive because he’s attempting to ensure that there are no virgins left on Earth, thereby keeping Satanists from being able to sacrifice them to their dark lord.

Aeons ago, Eric and Don Jr. were names whispered in terror, foretold as they were to be two of the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse.   Sadly for their followers, the brothers shot and killed the horses that would have been their steeds, and now they wander the Earth in a purposeless haze of sadness and confusion.

The real reason for Steve Bannon’s dismissal?    Causing severe plumbing issues for many and possibly most of the White House bathrooms, forcing Trump to have to run down to the corner CVS.

President Trump doesn’t have a dog because animals always panic and attempt to seek higher ground whenever he’s in their vicinity.