Our Desperate Writing Submission for Breitbart

Hello! We are writers who have not had success being hired by any website, so we thought we’d trade in our values for a job at the enviable Breitbart. Here are our headline pitches. And, um, White power to you and yours.


The Case for Steve Bannon as America’s Sex Symbol

Why Women Should Never Be Allowed Past Your Foyer

27 Things Only White People Would Understand Because We’re The Superior Race

My Problem With Muslims Except For The One Who Works In My Office

14 Times Putin Made Us Horny But Still Not Gay

Here They Are! Our Favorite White Identitarians! (Nazis…We’re talking about nazis)

In Remembrance of Those Who Perished in the Uh Oh Terror Time Travesty

How Trolling Feminists On Facebook Can Bring You Closer to White God

America’s Greatest Patriots and Their Dirty, Foreign Wives (Donald Trump, Tom Brady, and the rest of the boys!)  

If Scientists Are So Smart Why Come They All Are Virgins?

Will This Leftist Magician Saw Your Rights in Half?

If Civil Rights Are Real, Then Why Won’t The Black Guy At Work Let Me Say The N Word?

Russia is Bad and Who’s Killed More Russians Than Putin? No One, That’s Who! Huzzah?

Trump Wouldn’t Not Sign Those Executive Orders If They Didn’t Never Make Everything That Wasn’t Good Not Better