Popular Scented Candles of 2020

Ocean Waves: Smells like the salty air and sandy beach of the family vacation you weren’t able to take this summer.

 

Turkey and Stuffing: Festive harvest scents dance through the olfactory organs as the relief of not having to make small talk with your conservative uncle settles in.

 

French Vanilla: Smells like a candle you should’ve outgrown 25 years ago.

 

The Scott Atlas: A nauseating stench of horse shit and an overall contempt for the sanctity of human life.  

 

Face Mask: Revolutionary technology that uniquely captures the fragrance of your own breath.

 

Electoral College: Intransigent scent reminiscent of 1804 that is both pungent and completely useless.

 

President Elect: Bland yet comforting aromas that saturate the senses and remind you of the safety of your Grandfather’s basement.

 

The SCOTUS: Various scents coalesce to bring about the removal of personal freedoms by a likely vote of 6-3.

 

Spring Rain: No one knows what water smells like, whether you are in a pandemic or not.

 

The Vaccine: Fragrant aromas of aspiration and victory combine with lilac to prove that hope does spring eternal.  Only available in select states (not you, New York).

 

Your Favorite Sweatpants: Aromas of comfort and just a hint of swamp ass that are reminiscent of those cotton sweatpants you’ve been wearing everyday for eight months. 

 

Persimmon: Yep, still smells like it wants to be cinnamon’s loser cousin.

 

Wildfire: Wafting scents of ash and carnage that serve as painful reminders that no one in a position of power gives a crap about addressing important topics right now.

 

Melania’s Christmas: The festive holiday scents will cause you to rhetorically ask, “who gives a fuck about holiday stuff?”