Popular Scented Candles of 2020

Ocean Waves: Smells like the salty air and sandy beach of the family vacation you weren’t able to take this summer.


Turkey and Stuffing: Festive harvest scents dance through the olfactory organs as the relief of not having to make small talk with your conservative uncle settles in.


French Vanilla: Smells like a candle you should’ve outgrown 25 years ago.


The Scott Atlas: A nauseating stench of horse shit and an overall contempt for the sanctity of human life.  


Face Mask: Revolutionary technology that uniquely captures the fragrance of your own breath.


Electoral College: Intransigent scent reminiscent of 1804 that is both pungent and completely useless.


President Elect: Bland yet comforting aromas that saturate the senses and remind you of the safety of your Grandfather’s basement.


The SCOTUS: Various scents coalesce to bring about the removal of personal freedoms by a likely vote of 6-3.


Spring Rain: No one knows what water smells like, whether you are in a pandemic or not.


The Vaccine: Fragrant aromas of aspiration and victory combine with lilac to prove that hope does spring eternal.  Only available in select states (not you, New York).


Your Favorite Sweatpants: Aromas of comfort and just a hint of swamp ass that are reminiscent of those cotton sweatpants you’ve been wearing everyday for eight months. 


Persimmon: Yep, still smells like it wants to be cinnamon’s loser cousin.


Wildfire: Wafting scents of ash and carnage that serve as painful reminders that no one in a position of power gives a crap about addressing important topics right now.


Melania’s Christmas: The festive holiday scents will cause you to rhetorically ask, “who gives a fuck about holiday stuff?”