President Trump Makes Calls To Other Tragedy Victims Throughout History

“So, yeah…  sad, very sad.    It’s a shame that he wasn’t working in a Trump Tower, I guess.    Those planes would have just bounced right off of a Trump Tower.   I have the best towers… they knew better than to even try.    Your brother wouldn’t be a smudge of chunky ash now, if he’d been working in a Trump Tower.”

“Tough break, Mrs. Lincoln.    But being President… not an easy gig, as it turns out.    This kind of thing just goes with the territory.    Plus, did you hear what he was planning to do with the slaves?   That sort of thing….  well, you’re just begging for it, practically.    Going to make a lot of enemies with that kind of move, let me tell you.”

“I hear you folks got a bit of rain over the weekend?   And by the way, what kind of name is Katrina for a hurricane?   Let me tell you…  the best name for a hurricane would be Ivanna.   What a disaster.    You folks… you might have it easy, compared to what I went through with her.    I’d rather my house go floating down the street than have it end up with that nasty lady.”

“Listen, this is very sad.   Very sad.   But maybe a lady shouldn’t be going into space to begin with?   Maybe that’s the takeaway here.    Women are very pretty… or, they can be, at least…  and those space suits?   Not a good look, I can tell you.”

“Char… nob… what it is again?    Chernobyl?   Is that how you say it?   Kind of sounds like Charo, you know?   Fabulous woman, by the way.   Was on a season or two of Celebrity Apprentice, I think.  Right?   Or maybe I’m thinking of The Love Boat again.    At any rate, very sorry to hear about the nuclear thing going on there.    Sounds bad.   I have to say, though… from the photos I’ve seen… your skin looks great!    Very similar to mine, as a matter of fact.   Looks great… very healthy glow.   The deep orange color sets off the numerous blisters very nicely.”