STOWE, Ohio — Following 35 years of marriage, and after seeing two children through college, area dad Tom Sullivan has finally come out as an alien to long-suspecting family and friends.
Sullivan said that after decades of living a lie, he wanted, at long last, to take the mask off–and then literally took his mask off.
“I knew my family loved me, and that they would still accept me as dad no matter what,” Sullivan said.
“I knew this, because I was using mind-scan on them.”
Sullivan’s wife and adult children could barely contain their lack of utter dismay, some of whom it was fairly obvious had just won a years-long bet.
“The clues were there along,” son Jason, 26, said.
“You know, with all the sneaking out at night, androgynous friends, and lean body type.”
Sullivan’s daughter, Mary Gentry, 29, said that growing up, it always felt like her dad was from another planet.
“The kind of advice he would give made me question whether or not he knew any human beings at all,” Gentry said.
Lou Ann Sullivan, Tom’s wife of 35 years, said she is happy for him and even wishes him luck on his journey to find himself.
“And when [Tom’s] done, he’ll always know where to find me, mostly due to the transmitter chip placed inside my nasal cavity.”
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Matt Rotman is a writer, humorist, and filmmaker based out of San Diego, CA. His work has been featured in National Lampoon, Daily Grindhouse, Weekly Humorist, Delirium, and Diabolique Magazine. He currently runs the Bonkers Ass Cinema film blog, and his first book of the same name is due out in August 2022 by BearManor Media.