QUIZ: Letter to Jodie Foster, or Letter to the President?

“[White House Executive Assistant] Natalie Harp’s intimate letters to Donald Trump are being revealed in full for the first time—” Gardner, David, August 20th, 2026, “Natalie Harp’s Intimate Letters to Trump Revealed in Full” The Daily Beast

Are these the words of a presidential assassin, or the president’s human printer?

“I want things to always be right between us.”
“I feel very good about the fact that you at least know my name and how I feel about you.”
“I never want to bring you anything but joy.”
“As you well know by now, I love you very much.”
“I am also sorry if I was an embarrassment walking the course in Scotland.”
“I know the many messages left at your door and in your mailbox were a nuisance, but I felt that it was the most painless way for me to express my love for you.”
“I also know I’ve been distracted all week (forgetting to eat throughout the days, and even forgetting to sleep, and only catching a couple hours at a time).”
“Although we talked on the phone a couple of times, I never had the nerve to simply approach you and introduce myself.”
“I even had time to take long morning and evening walks to enjoy each Sunrise and Sunset (though I did forget to eat and sleep!),”
“…if I could only win your heart and live out the rest of my life with you, whether it be in total obscurity or whatever.”
“I could take time to enjoy good conversation, and still get all my work done at the end of the day.”
“I’ve come to realize that I’m the topic of more than a little conversation, however full of ridicule it may be.”
“To modify a classic, ‘I could not have parted with you, to anyone less worthy’—And, I will add, it is I who is unworthy.
“I’m asking you to please look into your heart and at least give the chance, with this historical deed, to gain your love and respect.”
“Thank you for being my Guardian and Protector in this Life.”
“I’ve got to do something now to make you understand, in no uncertain terms, that I’m doing all of this for your sake!”
“And please, when I fail, will you tell me? You have the absolute right to cuss me out, if need be, when I deserve it, because no one knows or cares about me more.”
“There is definitely a possibility that I will be killed…I cannot wait any longer to impress you…I love you forever.”
“You’re all that matters to me.”
“This is really going to hurt…”

Answer Key

Jodie Foster Stalker, and Would-Be Assassin of President Ronald Reagan, John Hinckley Jr.: 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18

White House Executive Assistant to President Donald Trump, Natalie Harp: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, 17, 19

The Late Great Hannibal Lecter: 20

About the Author
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Corey Pajka

Corey Pajka is a Brooklyn, NY-based writer. His satirical work has been published by Points In Case , Flexx Mag, The Weekly Humorist, Robot Butt, and The Satirist. His theatrical work has been produced regionally at theatres across the U.S. and in New York at Off and Off-Off Broadway venues. His radio plays are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and other outlets. He is also a climate change activist, working with 350Brooklyn. He co-edits their bi-weekly newsletter and contributes to their e-magazine Parts Per Million. He is married to another playwright, and they have a Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Sancho Panza. www.coreypajka.com

QUIZ: Letter to Jodie Foster, or Letter to the President?

“I want things to always be right between us.”

“I feel very good about the fact that you at least know my name and how I feel about you.”

“I never want to bring you anything but joy.”

“As you well know by now, I love you very much.”

“I am also sorry if I was an embarrassment walking the course in Scotland.”

“I know the many messages left at your door and in your mailbox were a nuisance, but I felt that it was the most painless way for me to express my love for you.”

“I also know I’ve been distracted all week (forgetting to eat throughout the days, and even forgetting to sleep, and only catching a couple hours at a time).”

“Although we talked on the phone a couple of times, I never had the nerve to simply approach you and introduce myself.”

“I even had time to take long morning and evening walks to enjoy each Sunrise and Sunset (though I did forget to eat and sleep!),”

“…if I could only win your heart and live out the rest of my life with you, whether it be in total obscurity or whatever.”

“I could take time to enjoy good conversation, and still get all my work done at the end of the day.”

“I’ve come to realize that I’m the topic of more than a little conversation, however full of ridicule it may be.”

“To modify a classic, ‘I could not have parted with you, to anyone less worthy’—And, I will add, it is I who is unworthy.

“I’m asking you to please look into your heart and at least give the chance, with this historical deed, to gain your love and respect.”

“Thank you for being my Guardian and Protector in this Life.”

“I’ve got to do something now to make you understand, in no uncertain terms, that I’m doing all of this for your sake!”

“And please, when I fail, will you tell me? You have the absolute right to cuss me out, if need be, when I deserve it, because no one knows or cares about me more.”

“There is definitely a possibility that I will be killed…I cannot wait any longer to impress you…I love you forever.”

“You’re all that matters to me.”

“This is really going to hurt…”

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