Rejected Prom Themes
Enchanting Night Of People You’ll Never See After Graduation
Dance Like Nobody’s Watching, But Save Space For Jesus
A Night To Remember And A Disappointing Sexual Experience To Forget
A Whole New World Awaits You Of People Who Don’t Know You Shit Yourself In P.E. In 8th Grade
Magic Carpet Ride Rug Burns
Midnight Masquerade As Her Friend For Years And Then Get Mad When She Doesn’t Want To Date You
I Could Have Danced All Night If My Contractions Hadn’t Started
Diamonds Are Forever, But Statistically Speaking, Some Of Us Will Not Live To Make It To Our Reunion, Sorry
Remember Me This Way, Not For The String Of Armed Robberies, DUI’s, And Felony Drug Charges You’ll Read About Over The Years
Sail From Away From This Narrow-Minded Town
Diamonds And Pearl Necklaces From Your 23-Year-Old Boyfriend
All That Jizz That Will Not Come Out Of Your Dress
A Night Of Enchantment Before We’re Buried In Student Loans And Regret
Shimmering Sexual Urges That Are Perfectly Healthy And Accepted In Big Cities
Under The Stars And Under The Clothes
Forever For Tonight, Or Only 48 Seconds In His Mom’s Camry
Finger Blast From The Past!
Magic Moments You’ll Be Telling Your Therapist About For Years
Dancing The Night And Your Virginity Away!
Happily Ever After And Accepting That You Reached Your Peak Coolness
- About the Author
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Sari Beliak writes funny things on the internet and occasionally says them into a microphone with varying degrees of success. She has written for Reductress, ClickHole, and the Hard Times. She lives in Phoenix with her dog Johnny Marr.
