- Dora from Dora The Explorer
Even though she was adventurous and kind when she was younger, Dora’s done with exploring and ready to buy her own private island! After her show got popular, the islands she frequented became overrun with tourists and obnoxious children. Dora found herself with no other option than to search for her very own island. She moved in with her true love, Boots, pooled their collective cash, and bought an island in the Caribbean. Everything was going well until Dora discovered taxes. She had no idea how much money the government took away from her each month for owning a private island. So what if she’s rich? She risked her life in the Amazon jungle to earn enough to buy an island and now the government is just going to take it away from her? Dora doesn’t think so, so she changed her party affiliation and plans on voting Republican to lower her taxes.
- Phineas from Phineas and Ferb
While Phineas may seem like he would’ve turned out liberal, he became increasingly outspoken in support of the second amendment. His dealings with Dr. Doofenshmirtz required that he become comfortable around guns, and since then he carries one everywhere. Since America relies on Phineas’ genius inventions, he has the government wrapped around his finger. He owns the Republican party.
- Caillou from Caillou
Is this one really a surprise? Caillou is entitled, bratty, and viewed as a negative influence on children. It’s no shock that he grew up to become a Republican. He throws temper tantrums to get his way and is never punished for his actions. Caillou definitely stormed the Capitol.
- Bob from Bob The Builder
Bob is a general contractor who comes from a long line of construction workers and builders. His catchphrase “can we fix it?” isn’t actually about a construction project, it’s about fixing the government and America from all the havoc socialists have brought to society! Bob had so many jobs before the Democrats scared everyone with the idea of climate change. Now, no one wants to hire him to build an oil rig and Bob has no way to make money. He had to turn to the one party who promises to fight for the little guy, and Bob is only 8 inches tall!
- D.W. Read from Arthur
D.W. can’t read, so she accidentally voted Republican in the recent election. Oops! Let’s hope she learns to read before the next one.
Lauren is a wannabee comedy writer. She currently interns at the Weekly Humorist, and before that she interned for Conan O’Brien. She’s the Editor-In-Chief of Boston University’s satire paper, The Bunion, and Co-Founder of the feminist branch, The Pinky Toe. She loves animals more than people. Follow her on twitter @lckelmar.