Posts

Jason Vorhees' Camp Crystal Lake Etiquette

Please don't bring guns into my woods. They're just not safe. If you know how to use a gun properly, that's great, but c'mon... accidents do happen. And we all know that bullets can't hurt me anyway, so just don't even bother.

Chucky’s Daily Planner

8:43am - 9:36am Crawl out from beneath pile of toys in this stupid asshole kid’s toy chest. Fucking heavy and unwieldy Deluxe Simon game!

CARTOON: Killer Call

The HORROR! Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Care And Maintenance Of Your Possessed Ventriloquist Puppet

Your puppet may be possessed by a vicious demon, or simply by a pleasant dead person who loves hanging out on the couch and binge-watching 'Blossom'. Don't be presumptuous, ask a few questions and find out!

An Awkward Silence In The Car

I just hit that guy with my car, didn’t I? Oh my god. I just hit that guy and he flew over the guardrail and landed perfectly into the bed of a garbage truck going the other way. And I’m still driving!

CARTOON: Evil Outsource

The gig economy is ALIVE! Today's cartoon by Chris Gural.

CARTOON: Monday The 16th

The Horror! Mondays. Today's cartoon by Zack Rhodes.

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Frankenstein's Monster Exclusive Pantsless Twitch is Shocking! Plus, Best BBW- The Blob, Best Hot Body Waxing: The Werewolf, Best Who Definitely Love To Swallow- Zombies. Check out the best creators on the platform in OnlyFansgoria today!

CARTOON: Monster Mail

Where's my TV Guide? Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Horror Movie Villains Explain Why They’re Quiet Quitting

Pennywise: I really want to reclaim some time for myself. Maybe go back to clown college. Being a shape-shifting manifestation of children’s nightmares can be so draining. I’m tired of watching my victims float around all day while I do all the work. I've finally realized it's MY turn to float down a lazy river sipping a mocktail while clocking in some well-deserved PTO (Pennywise Time Off).

#GhoulishGames

Casketball, Fear Pong, Spooks and Ladders, and more #GhoulishGames on this week's trending joke game!

#HumidHorrorMovies

The Humid Centipede, Sauna of the Dead, Sweat Sematary, and more #HumidHorrorMovies on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Reanimated

Shocking growth. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton & Adam Cooper.

#HorrorAHolidayFood

Ghoul Log, The Hills Have Pies, The Last Gingerbread House On The Left, and more #HorrorAHolidayFood on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Gobble Gore?

Thankful it's just a movie. Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

#HornyHorrorMovies

Yankenstein, Sleepy Swallow, An American Werewolf in Linda, and more #HornyHorrorMovies on this week's trending joke game!

“Swamp Monster Makeovers: Fabulous Species-Defying Transformations to Win Friends and Confuse People” An Excerpt from How to Survive a Human Attack: A Guide for Werewolves, Mummies, Cyborgs, Ghosts, Nuclear Mutants, and Other Movie Monsters by K.E. Flann

HAVE YOU NOTICED an influx of fashionistas in your neigh­borhood? These newcomers and their fabulous everyday infinity scarves are so intriguing that you’ve already snatched a few strang­ers from their research vessel. But even though you were raised by alligators or gestated in a nuclear cooling pool, you understand that these encounters have not been on point.

Humdrum Horror Hobbies

When he's not stabbing and slashing in an effort to transfer his soul into a human body, Chucky loves tormenting others by working the call center at several telemarketing and bill collection companies.

#HorrorFruit

The Pear Witch Project, Dragon fruit me to hell, Strawscaries, and more #HorrorFruit on this week's trending joke game!

#HorrorCandy

Demonheads, Tootsie Trolls, Mummy Bears, and more #HorrorCandy on this week's trending joke game! We hit #7 in the US trends list! (That's really good!)

#TerrifyingTeenComedies

Caddyshark , Roadkill Trip, Animal House of Horrors, and more #TerrifyingTeenComedies on this week's trending joke game!

Upcoming Crazy Twists on The Walking Dead

That one guy? You know, the guy who's friends with the main guy? He gets separated from the group during a zombie attack!

The Republican Twilight Zone

There is another dimension beyond all logic known to man. It is a dimension of arrogance as vast as space and as bottomless as voter fraud allegations. It is the middle ground between Mike Pence and Kelly Anne Conway, between science fiction and Trump Tweets. It lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of man’s maskless indoor gatherings. It is an area which we call... The Republican Zone.

#HolidayAHorrorMovie

Night Of The Living Gingerbread, The Hills Have Elves, Nightmare On Elf Street, and more #HolidayAHorrorMovie on this week's trending joke game!

#HorrorABusiness

Motel 666, Ben and Scary's, L.L. Speen, and more #HorrorABusiness on this weeks trending joke game!

#HorrorVeggies

Lima Screams, The Texas Coleslaw Massacre, Kales from the Crypt, and more #HorrorVeggies on this week's trending joke game!

The Overlook Hotel’s Safety Measures for Reopening Now That We Know the Hotel Is a Sentient Being That’s out for Blood.

While it appears the hotel is a sentient being that has taken control of every caretaker we’ve ever had, turning them into psychopaths who have killed or attempted to kill their entire family, we want you to know we’re doing everything we can to keep it from doing that to any of our guests. However, since spiritual forces are notoriously difficult to contain, we’re legally obligated to alert you to the voluntary risks you’re taking by staying with us. 

I am the Bucket of Pig’s Blood Perched Atop the Rafters in This Empty High School Gymnasium

Anything could have happened on prom day – just like in the movies - that first kiss, getting finger banged in the limo, being voted to prom court, and the possibility of a deadly inferno promulgated by the telekinetic outcast who just got a bucket of pig’s blood dumped on her!

Self-Care Tips For Zombies

Stay hydrated! A dehydrated zombie is, well, the same as a hydrated zombie, but it’ll give you something to do between feedings. 

Whimsical, Feel-Good Alternatives to Some Stephen King Classics

Carry: Blanch is not a popular girl. See, Blanch has an imaginary friend she talks to whenever the impulse takes her: a pet rock she calls Carry.

#CreepyCandies

Reese's Body Pieces, BloodGushers, Rosemary's Baby Ruth and more #CreepyCandies in this week's joke game!

Examples of Accidental Magic

In 1934, Aida Cornfield, age six, mixed up the words to “Hush Little Baby” and brought her Raggedy Ann doll to life. The doll perished soon after when it panicked at its own consciousness and ran into the middle of Cedar Drive and was run over by Mrs. Abernathy’s Ford Model A.

Horror Movie Sequels Inspired By The Trump Era

Alien vs Creditor: Tax Returns, The Unfair Witchhunt Project, Creature from the Fat Buffoon, and more!

A Word Of Warning, Everyone Who Swims In The Pool Of This Hampton Inn Drowns

Yes indeed, everyone single person who swims in The Pool drowns. There have been hundreds of deaths. We had to install an incinerator in the basement to keep up with all the bodies. The wifi code is HamptonSmiles45. 

Reheated Thanksgiving Horror Flicks

I Spit On Your Gravy, Silence Of The Yams, Soylent Green Bean Casserole...you get it.

#SlasherSitcoms

My Knife and Kids, Charles in Chunks, and more Gore-filled TV comedies this week on our Weekly Humorist Hashtag game! On @HashtagRoundUp powered by @TheHashtagGame. Play our comedy hashtag twitter games every Wednesday at 11 am EST.

Other Horror Movie Remakes That Will Be Following The New Halloween Model...

The Amityville Horror: The house is no longer haunted, but there are a few foundation problems that probably need to be looked at. And that front porch is going to need a bit of work, for sure. And more.

#HorrorSports

I Know What You Did Last Summer Olympics, Synchronised Skinning, Ben Roethlismurder and more #HorrorSports from our trending hashtag game!

The Art Of The Slaughter: 7 More Humane Ways To Kill Your Livestock

1. Take your animal to an upscale Italian restaurant. About…