Humdrum Horror Hobbies

Hollywood’s favorite bogeymen can’t be “on” 24/7; they expend a lot of energy during their yearly sprees, but need quite a bit of downtime in order to recharge. Yet at the same time, they so delight in wreaking havoc and savoring the terror of their victims, even during their off hours. So what’s their secret in achieving this necessary work-life balance?

When he’s not stabbing and slashing in an effort to transfer his soul into a human body, Chucky loves tormenting others by working the call center at several telemarketing and bill collection companies.

Always one to keep more of a low profile until he’s ready to strike, Michael Myers finds hours of pleasure in driving 35 mph or less in the far left lane of major highways.

His bloodlust temporarily satiated, Freddy Kreuger haunts the dreams of middle America, causing sleepless nights draped in the shadows of failed romance, unpaid bills and keys that just aren’t where you last left them.

His bulbous tummy stuffed to bursting with the barbecued remains of randy teens, Leatherface kills time by loudly running his chainsaw in the early morning hours of the weekend, startling from sleep his hard-working neighbors.

Needing a bit of time away from Camp Crystal Like, Jason lumbers into town to volunteer for his local chapter of the GOP, working tirelessly to ensure that a 2024 Trump run will be a rousing success.

by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence