Sex With Me, Sponsored By Brooklinen

Wow, that was great! You know what they say about seven minutes in heaven: you can do it in four. Let me just throw this condom away. And speaking of away, Away Luggage is quickly becoming the most trusted suitcase brand from young professionals on the go. Not saying you have to go! You can totally stay the night if you want.

An Influencer Reviews the Cardiologist

Keep in mind, this place is as exclusive as Soho House when it was cool, so forget about a walk-in. You’ll schedule with the office concierge, and it may take months to get off the waitlist. Don’t forget to have your GP vouch for you! They won’t let just anyone seek treatment.

As a Content Creator, The Most Rewarding Part of My Job is Calling Myself a Content Creator

See those contents on that computer screen? I put some of that in there. I'm a maker of #mediastuff. You could call me a #mediacontributor, basically. Sometimes I just fill boxes with words for the sake of it. Gotta meet that word count.

The Life Coaching for Life Coaches’ Life Coaches Seminar Is Full

Look, time is short. Society is about collapse. We all know it. There’s only so long we can profit from this mad bottle of wasps before it blows up in all our faces. But self maximization to achieve all your goals and also the next goals you haven’t even visualized yet, are just within your reach.

The Last Supper If Jesus Christ Was An Instagram Influencer

Dinner will be held during golden hour at 7 p.m sharp. If you are late, you will not be in the photo. A stone will be rolled in front of the door as soon as I break the bread. 

CARTOON: Pet Influencer

Lick for likes. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

I, An Instagram Influencer, Say This Luxury Garbage Bag Poncho Is 100% A Necessity And You Must Buy It

So the poncho is $8,000, which daddy would say is too much, but daddy doesn’t know fashion and I do, so listen to me.

1930s Life Skills Adapted for the Next Great Depression 2.0

Spruce up the walls of your shanty lean-to with copies of your viral tweet.

Summer Camps for the Modern Child

Camp Anti-Vaxxer, Camp Smash the Patriarchy, Camp Climate Change Survival and more!

GoFundMe Story Written By An Influencer Who Totally Hates To Accept ANYTHING From ANYONE

I need to be in SoHo to be surrounded by my fellow influencers and high-ranking members of society. As you know, I hate networking (see my YouTube video “Daily Struggles Of A Hot, Social Introvert”) but it has to be done.