Posts

The Life Coaching for Life Coaches’ Life Coaches Seminar Is Full

Look, time is short. Society is about collapse. We all know it. There’s only so long we can profit from this mad bottle of wasps before it blows up in all our faces. But self maximization to achieve all your goals and also the next goals you haven’t even visualized yet, are just within your reach.

The Last Supper If Jesus Christ Was An Instagram Influencer

Dinner will be held during golden hour at 7 p.m sharp. If you are late, you will not be in the photo. A stone will be rolled in front of the door as soon as I break the bread. 

CARTOON: Targeted Advertising

Row, Row, Scroll, Scroll. Today's cartoon by Jake Goldwasser.

CARTOON: Much Latergram

Felt cute, might eat. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton and Adam Cooper.

Other Ways to Celebrate Woodstock 50

Go back and listen to the music that made Woodstock, perhaps for the first time while sober.

GoFundMe Story Written By An Influencer Who Totally Hates To Accept ANYTHING From ANYONE

I need to be in SoHo to be surrounded by my fellow influencers and high-ranking members of society. As you know, I hate networking (see my YouTube video “Daily Struggles Of A Hot, Social Introvert”) but it has to be done.

Bedbug Influencer Seeking New Instagram Management

Jeff posts unflattering pictures of me on his Insta story (caption: “Ew, what’s this? They’re all over my mattress rn”), pictures of his arms with bites (caption: “Can anyone identify these itchy bumps? Plz help”), and pictures of his hospital wristband (caption: “Mood”). It’s not my fault that Jeff is allergic to me. People are also allergic to cats! Cats do evil things!

Sorry I Reposted Your Work Without Attribution, But To Be Fair, I'm Also A Bank Robber

So you’ll be relieved to learn that my Instagram thievery is simply a side-hustle to my main gig as a full-on Jeremy Renner-in-The Town bank robber.

California Proposition 65 Warnings for Social Media Apps

Twitter WARNING: This app contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause users to only follow those who share your same worldview, a lot of comedians, and Cher. Frequent use of Twitter often results in a delightfully pleasant-sounding echo chamber that is regularly contrasted by feelings of boiling anger caused after reading news reports detailing the horrors that perpetually occur throughout the planet, topped off with what Cher thinks about Donald Trump.

If You Tag Someone In This Post, I Might Be Able To Keep This Job

Tag someone who hasn’t seen the sun set but still has a Facebook account somehow. Probably because they are a troll, but even clicks from trolls might help me keep this late-night social media shift and move to a place with 5 or 6 fewer roommates.

Sacrificing My Son Has Made Me Into An Instagram Star!

After giving birth to Tucker I was filled with an unbridled,…

Sea Monkeys, A Starter Kit for Disappointment

Long before Facebook and Instagram gave the masses the tools…

CARTOON: InstaSad

Immigrationgram

Introducing the Immigrationgram app! Now you can see what your…