Even Though the Office Is Still Completely Engulfed in Flames, I’m Gonna Need You All to Come Back in Full Time

That said, going forward I expect everyone to come in at least 40 hours a week, which, coincidentally, is the exact amount of time that the human body can withstand such temperatures before their internal organs begin to melt. Failure to show up for the full 40 hours will be taken as your resignation.

CARTOON: Home Office Management

No place to hide. Today's cartoon by Len Hawkins.

CARTOON: Back To Work

Plus I'm out of coffee. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Gregor Samsa Returns to Work

I want you all to know that, despite the fact that I now take the form of a monstrous vermin, I'm still the same old Gregor, who listens to yacht rock at his desk and loves the Mets (even though they’re killing me, haha). The only difference is I now have six legs and a hard exoskeleton covering my entire body. Still, I don't expect any special treatment from anyone.


Newly sharpened pencils, erasers, and coffee mugs.

A List Of Demands That Must Be Met For Me To Return To The Office

No one is allowed to comment on how early I’m eating my lunch. Instead of a desk and adjustable chair, I work on a Queen-size mattress. A whiteclaw mini fridge. And more!


No work out, just work. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Honest Drafts of My Goodbye Email

As of today, I will no longer be doing my job here. Or Mike’s or Pete’s or even Crystal’s, am I right? You all relied on me so heavily that it broke me! For exactly half of what I asked for in salary, zero other benefits, and a birthday cake I had to pay for myself — what a steal!

Some Blunt Feedback from Your Therapist’s Cat During Telehealth 2020

When you find yourself saying to Ryan, “I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before,” take a deep breath and understand that you have. You have mentioned that you have “a weird thing about vomit” as well as “a weird thing about not wanting to wake up in a panic one night beset by guilt, regret, envy, and vomit,” in addition to “a weird thing for redheads.” These are called, respectively: duh, okay, and ginger tabbies are the best category of every species.

Bill Lumbergh Leads a Zoom Meeting

Now, about Slack. It seems there have been some problems lately when it comes to people not responding to messages – how should I say this – quickly. I’ve talked with Bob and Bob about this and we feel like this is a good sign of whether or not someone is a team player. We’re going on month eight of working from home, so by now you should be treating this as if you’re at your desk or otherwise within my line of sight.

CARTOON: Time Off?

Home is where we always are. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

CARTOON: Zoom Clean

Clean your zoom. Today's cartoon by Rich Sparks.

Introducing FYOOM, The New Video Conferencing App That Lets Participants Smell One Another

You need FYOOM. Because for an additional fee you can press a button on your own laptop and blast your own scent to the other video conference participants. Because if no one smells your Drakkar Noir, does it even have a fragrance???

Back To Home School Supply List

Mouse Pad (if unavailable, back issue of Entertainment Weekly from the bathroom will do). Beer Koozie (for the days when Dad is helping out). Pencil Box, with extra compartment used to hold Mommy's Xanax. And more!

More Accurate Names for a Virtual Meeting

A noisy pop-up. The Early Morning Afternoon Evening Late Night Can’t Escape It Show. With your host, You! And more!

NEWS BRIEF: Dog Parents

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Daily Affirmations For Better Zoom Meetings

Keep calm and pray for good Wi-Fi. Check out this great comic by Tiny Beast Comics!

CARTOON: Mean Screens

Don't zoom in too close. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

CARTOON: Zoom Face

Face froze? Might need a reboot. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

Revised Days of the Week

The new quarantined calendar includes, Sonday: Technically Monday, but everyone is still hungover from Saturday night - Sunday morning. Also, still wearing sweatpants from Sunday. No, I mean last Sunday, a week ago.

CARTOON: Coughference Call

"First, let me thank you all for continuing to work so diligently from home during these very uncertain times and -- oof-- whoever that was, I don't like the sound of that cough."