The Five Most Popular 19th Century ASMR Recordings

BRAIN-MELTING TRIGGER WORDS TO CURE AFFECTATIONS OF THE THROAT, BRONCHIAL TUBES, AND LUNGS

Artist: Thomas Edison

 

With manicured fingers tap-tap-tapping a lightbulb, Edison whispers musings such as ‘mutton shunter,’ ‘umble-cum-stumble,’ and ‘chuckaboo’ into a grooved cylinder of his own design. The resulting ‘tingly shivers’ ward off consumption.

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SLEEP-INDUCING LAMPLIGHTER ROLEPLAY

Artist: Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville

 

The French bookseller/inventor provides hushed descriptions of awkwardly mounting a ladder and lighting candles by means of a wick affixed to a long shaft.  The effect is as if the wick is miraculously thrust into the listener’s ear — delicious shudders abound!

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TAKING CARE OF YOU AFTER A RIOTOUS EVENING IN THE GIN PALACE  (PERSONAL ATTENTION, FACE TOUCHING, BLOODLETTING)

Artist: Charles Cros

 

Too much absinthe got you dizzy? Cros tip-toes to the rescue with ear-to-ear whispers, touching of the face with coarse lace gloves, administering of the leech, applying of plasters, copious bloodletting, and random crinkle sounds.  Via sonic undulations on his paléophone, Cros sets feverish heads and spines atingle with his soothing croaks and moans.

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FIGHTING A HORSE – OVER 1.5 HOURS OF BINAURAL RELAXATION

Artist: Emile Berliner

 

This long-form recording features bare-knuckled fisticuffs between Berliner and an aging stallion named Stoutfellow. As Stoutfellow has no actual fists (and two legs held fast to the ground by means of chained restraints), the tussle carries on for some time before man and horse collapse in exhaustion. Berliner’s primitive Gramophone registers the tranquilizing grunts and exhalations, as well as the calm, focused sounds of leathered boxing mitts slapping horsehide.

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REALISTIC STERILIZATION OF THE FEEBLE-MINDED (FOR PEOPLE WHO DON’T GET TINGLES)

Artist: Alexander Graham Bell

 

By means of his new-fangled phonautograph, Bell murmurs an authentic account of the forced sterilization of a California mental patient deemed too addled to reproduce.  Bell’s fevered, eugenic mutterings promise an “electrical tingling sensation of the scalp” especially popular with Victorian ladies. The recording is a follow-up to his popular “*3D* Neck Massage and Better Breeding to Improve the Human Race (Most Relaxing EVER!)”