Things Famous Men Can Talk About In An Interview Other Than Masturbation

Recently an interview Paul McCartney did for GQ regales readers with a story about masturbating with John Lennon. Possibly, it seems,  famous men need a helpful list of things to talk about in interviews that are not masturbating.

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The new album/movie/perfume line you’re working on

 

Your wife/partner

 

How you wish you could still go to the grocery store without being mobbed

 

Charities you support (as long as they aren’t charities to help reinstate masturbating sexual harassers)

 

Why it’s important to believe women

 

Climate change

 

Fun non-penis-related hobbies you have

 

Why London isn’t what it used to be

 

When and how to wear smoking slippers

 

Mentors who’ve inspired you not because of what they’ve done with their penises

 

How you came up with that famous song/ad-libbed line/flying car everybody loves so much

 

The state of affairs in Israel

 

Feelings about gun violence

 

Any gathering of your friends that didn’t involve a wack off circle where you shouted the names of women you’d like to nail

 

What your hair is doing right now

 

Your children

 

Your favorite organic ice cream that you haven’t masturbated with

 

How you plan to donate your organs to Ruth Bader Ginsburg should she need them

 

Why it’s so goddamn important to protect and preserve our natural bodies of water

 

That time you went to an animal preserve in Africa and learned about being a good parent from a mother giraffe

 

The slimming effect of the french tuck

 

Your experience with the wage gap and what you’re doing to shrink it

 

What it means to have influenced so many people in your life

 

A woman you admire who has more important things to talk about than that time she masturbated with a bunch of famous friends