Truly Terrible Things About Trump Arraignment

Hands way too small to properly fingerprint.

Body cavity search reveals Don Jr completely up his father’s ass.

The guy seriously smells like the back seat of a GrubHub driver’s car.

Getting that orange shit all over your hands during the frisk. Even after several hours of scrubbing, it won’t come off!

Confiscated personal items found during frisk included several more classified documents. More paperwork to have to fill out on this guy! Goddammit.

Process unnecessarily prolonged by all of the police officers wanting to take selfies with Trump.

Keeps saying the courtroom artist is totally failing because they aren’t using ‘good orange’ and he looks too ‘creamsicle’.

It took seven and a half hours to get his hair ready for the mugshot.

Won’t answer any questions until he’s placed on higher seat than the judge.

He keeps asking everyone about the possibility of conjugal visits with Ivanka.

His incessant demands that the he be appointed as the judge over the case, as he feels that the current judge should be recused for reasons of bias.