Let a smile be your umbrella (just don’t get photographed with your wife, circumstances under which a smile is almost impossible).
Dance like no ones watching, even though the repo guys removing furniture from your living room are watching.
Check out the amazing daily deals at McDonald’s; even homeless people can sometimes afford to eat at McDonalds!
Don’t bother with buying deodorant anymore; people expect lower class types to smell a bit gamey.
Get to know the homeless people in your area, strike up a friendly conversation or two! When you’re on the street yourself in a month or two, the foundation you’ve set now may keep you from getting stabbed in the night later.
Sell a couple of those kids of yours. Do you really need so many? In fact, I caught a couple of my yard guys staring at Ivanka sunbathing again, and had to let them go. Send those kids over here, I’ll put them to work!
Jump out in front of a large, fast-moving vehicle! My limo driver ran over a kids a few years back, and I had to pay out the wazoo to the crybaby parents. Give it a try!
I’ve heard that drugs can make you feel much better about things in general, so maybe take some drugs. But better do it quick, because as soon as that wall goes up, no more drugs in America!
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence