What Your Therapist’s Couch Says About Them

Armchair: A regular therapist.

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Chaise lounge: A regular therapist, who takes naps between clients.

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Hard wooden chair: A therapist who wants you to feel physically and emotionally uncomfortable until you find just the right spot to lean on.

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Eames chair: Well la-di-da, you’ve found yourself a fancy therapist with some well-to-do clients.

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His mother’s / her father’s favorite rocking chair: A Freudian therapist.

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Balance ball: A therapist who espouses the strong connection between mind and body, and also moonlights as a pilates instructor.

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High chair: A therapist who specializes in child developmental therapy and clients of all ages who throw their food.

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Camp chair: A therapist who is taking acoustic guitar lessons; expect lots of outdoor retreats and sitting around a fire singing Kumbaya.

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Dental chair: These sessions are going to hurt and won’t be covered by your health insurance.

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Your bed: A teletherapist.

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Their bed: A therapist too involved with their clients.

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Airplane seat: Buckle up for a therapist who will use a lot of aviation metaphors, such as ‘there might be turbulence, but you’re the pilot of your own life’, ‘let your personality take flight’, and ‘your session has been unexpectedly canceled’.

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Bean bag: A therapist desperate to be known as ‘the cool therapist’, and hoping to score a gig at a trendy start-up using their modified version of CBT — ‘Cognitive Bag Therapy’.

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The Iron Throne: A therapist with an unhealthy obsession with Game of Thrones, this is something they should talk to their therapist about.

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Toilet: You need a new therapist.