Your Favorite New Midseason Replacement Shows!

The Gas-Masked Singer Desperate for fame contestants sing and dance from war-torn locales, dodging bullets and withering remarks from our judges in equal measure. This surefire hit from FOX guarantees that eager contestants have more than one way to bomb their audition. (FOX)

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NCIS, Your Colon Gruff yet perceptive detectives are shrunk down to microscopic size and injected into your bloodstream, where they’re able to take a look at that odd mass that has suddenly popped up on your colon during a routine check-up. (ABC)

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CNN’s Funniest Bloopers & Blunders In actuality, just a rebroadcast of Trump’s various gaffes throughout the day, with a laugh-track added to keep things from seeming so fucking grim.

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TedNer New sitcom from NBC! When a vengeance-seeking gypsy places a curse on Betsy’s iPhone, she’s suddenly able to swipe left on various murderers and perverts who have passed on and now reside in Hell! When she accidentally uses Tinder to summon Ted Bundy, is he the answer to her prayers? Or just another jerk who’s going to murder all of her friends with a hammer? Hilarity ensues as the blood begins to ooze! (NBC)

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Med Detective Balancing medical inquiry with hard-hitting investigative skills, this new show goes deep into digging up the dirt on recently discovered ailments and their potential cures. The first episode deals with the frightening discovery of Super Gonorrhea, and Superman’s vehement denial in his involvement with same. “I really, really wish that they’d come up with a different name for that.” he grumpily complains to our team of medical investigators. (DISC)

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Show & Cartel Children of local drug lords show off the interesting items that they’ve found in the torture-room of their parents’ opulent home. (AMC)

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Glory, Glory Hole-elujah Vice President Mike Pence balances half an hour of fervent worship and Bible study, along with in-depth reviews of glory holes within a fifteen mile radius of his home. (CMT)

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Mysteries of Nature New docu-style series focuses on the age-old question, “Why is it that your wife can’t wait to get her hands on the pimples on your back, but won’t even look in the direction of your balls?”. (PBS)

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