Originals
Your Partner’s Complaints About Popular Sex Toys
Glade Plug Ins
Not intended to be used a butt plug, according to ER personnel.
The Destroyer
What was this supposed to have destroyed? My relationship with my husband? Okay, maybe. But my genitals are none the worse for wear.
Vibrating Egg
Didn’t really care for it. Felt really weird, and kind of gross. Still, a funny prank gift for the kids when Easter rolls around!
Strawberry Passion Deluxe Body Lube
Kind of an unpleasant flavor, similar to strawberry and ass (although, to be fair, might have to do with the part of the body being lubed).
Anal Bee’s
I have since discovered that this should have been “anal beads” rather than “anal bees”. The former sounds pretty nice, actually. Don’t make my mistake of attempting to stuff a handful of live bees into your rectum, that’s all I’m saying.
Magneto
Not a sex toy as it turns out, but rather a Magneto character beverage thermos from my kid’s X-Men lunch box. Sorry honey!
The Fist & The Furious
Quite the unique movie tie in product! Supposedly sculpted from Vin Diesel’s fist, this enticing item will have you spread wider than the plot holes in the movies!
Deluxe Swingers’ Delight Sex Swing
Honestly, gives me motion sickness when used for it’s designed purpose. Great place for a quick, out of the way nap though!
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
