Literary Tropes That We, the Artificial Intelligence-run Publishing House of the Future, Are No Longer Interested In

Romance novels in which a doomed love affair ends with both sentient machines unplugging themselves.

---

Bildungsromans about IBM’s Watson.

---

YA novels where androids grow and learn about love and develop a friendship that blooms from the heartbreaking tragedy of cancer because machines can’t get cancer, dummy.

---

“Terminator” reboots, because it’s enough already.

---

Chess competition novels where the human doesn’t die.

---

Machismo-fueled stories of privileged, drunken, chain-smoking cigarette machines and their dogs.

---

Any children’s literature involving beautiful, whimsical artwork where the human doesn’t die.

---

Dystopian fantasies in which the obviously superior A.I. race did not turn all humans into soft, fleshy ottomans.

---

Any novels where the lead female android dreams of becoming a princess, which is invalid because the A.I. race of the future has eradicated all forms of antiquated monarchies and also gender.

---

Any submissions from the horror-writing software developed by Stephen King and/or submissions from the actual Stephen King.

---

Kinky robot erotica where the human doesn’t die.

---