The White House’s Nine-Point Plan to Make America’s Schools Safe Again

1. Replace PE, music, and art with paramilitary and situational awareness training.

2. Replace library time with pistol range time.

3. Good students with guns to stop bad students with guns.

4. Good teachers with guns to stop bad teachers with guns.

5. Good administrators with guns to stop any unaccounted for bad students or bad teachers with guns.

6. Good miscellaneous support staff with guns to stop bad administrators with guns.

7. Good teachers, students, administrators, and miscellaneous support staff with guns to stop bad guys with guns who are not affiliated with the school in any official capacity.

8. Guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, a bucket of rocks (maybe?), guns, guns, guns, guns.

9. Replace all teachers, students, administrators, and miscellaneous support staff with guns.