A Few Examples of When It’s Okay, Even Advisable, To Report Your Neighbor To The Police
- His only contributions to the block garage sale are always bloodied girl scout uniforms.
- Immediately following Halloween, he rents out his porch jack o’ lantern as a toilet for homeless people.
- He constantly steals your newspaper, and also your television.
- Always brings roofies to the neighborhood lemonade stands.
- You live in George Zimmerman’s neighborhood.
- He intimidates your children into shaving his back on a monthly basis.
- At least twice a week, he gets really drunk and teabags your birdhouse.
- You ask him to water your plants while you’re out of town, and when you return he’s turned your house into a hydroponic marijuana greenhouse.
- You find him using your commode at least once a week, his excuse always being that he has a dead cat clogging up the one in his bathroom.
- Had to go from house to house informing neighbors that he’s a registered sex offender, and did so with a visible erection.
- He mows his lawn wearing only the skin and fur of dead family pets that he’s dug out of your backyard.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
