Best of 2022
A New Round Of Russian Sanctions
US plans to turn all five Russian Embassies into Little Caesar’s
If any NATO Leaders happen to run into Putin at the grocery store they vow to turn around and go down a different aisle and pretend like they didn’t see him
Justin Trudeau Vows To Get More Handsome
At The Annual UN potluck world leaders won’t touch Putin’s ambrosia Jell-O salad he worked really hard on
NATO’s sister alliance ‘TATO’ cuts off all spud shipments to Russia, stifling the country’s ability to produce vodka and other potato based beverages
Emmanuel Macron pledges all French citizens will be extra rude to anyone who supports the Kremlin
The Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences will rescind Dr Zhivago of its Best Costume Design Oscar and award it to Inside Daisy Clover
Siberia will now be called ‘Other Alaska’
The country of Georgia agrees to change their name to “New Ukraine” just to piss off Russia
The state of Georgia agrees to call themselves “New Ukraine” in solidarity
The Soviet Union planeteer will be removed from all Captain Planet episodes
The alcoholic beverages “Moscow Mule”& “White Russians” will be renamed “Kazakh Ass” and “Mustache Jeff”
All shipping containers sent to Russia will be filled with confetti & glitter so when they open them confetti & glitter will go everywhere and will make a huge mess
Rubles are now worth .000095 of a shirt button
The International Olympic Committee will recognize Yakov Smirnoff’s seminal 1994 comedy album ‘What A Country!’ as the official Russian National Anthem going forward
All copies of Anna Karenina will be replaced with Danielle Steele novels
The show ‘90 day fiancé’ will now source all its mail order brides from Uzbekistan
Anonymous releases the link to Belarusian President President Alexander Lukashenko’s OnlyFans account
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson will release an NFT of him sucking on a lollipop
MGM Studios will remaster Rocky IV by digitally replacing Ivan Drago with Jar Jar Binks
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With an inherent ability to command attention, Jess is a writer/performer of standup comedy & improv, and has starred in a variety of short films, sketches and theater productions for over a decade. She has contributed to The New Yorker’s Tiny Shouts & is one half of the writing duo ‘PilotLomes’, founded by she and her partner.
