Are you a Marx Brother or Mark’s Brother?
Marx Brother: Your name is Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, or Zeppo.
Mark’s Brother: Your name is Dave.
Marx Brother: Your family is known for its vaudeville comedy acts.
Mark’s Brother: Your family is known for not taking down their Christmas lights.
Marx Brother: You have four talented brothers in the theater.
Mark’s Brother: Your older brother Mark once jerked off in an AMC.
Marx Brother: Your work has been deemed culturally significant by the Library of Congress.
Mark’s Brother: You got a C- on an Animal Farm essay.
Marx Brother: You’re known for your signature greasepaint mustache.
Mark’s Brother: You’re known for your “free mustache rides” t-shirt.
Marx Brother: Your stage name was invented during a game of poker.
Mark’s Brother: Your nickname, Shit Pants, was coined at camp the summer you shit your pants.
Marx Brother: You and your brothers starred in over 15 successful blockbuster films.
Mark’s Brother: The video of you attempting the cinnamon challenge has 112 views on YouTube.
Marx Brother: Your body of work influenced the comedy stylings of Mel Brooks, Woody Allen, John Cleese, and Carl Reiner.
Mark’s Brother: You convinced your varsity hockey team to destroy a botanical garden for your senior prank.
Marx Brother: You were named #20 on the American Film Institute’s list of Classic Hollywood screen legends.
Mark’s Brother: You were identified in a police line-up after attempting to rob a Taco Bell.
Marx Brother: You once danced on Hitler’s grave.
Mark’s Brother: You don’t vote.
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Lauren Schwein is a comedy writer with words in Reductress, Clickhole, and The Belladonna Comedy. She aspires to either be the first woman on the moon or the one who destroys it. Follow her on Twitter, Medium, and Instagram @laurenschwein. For comedy services or to be mocked check out her website.