Planes, Trains and Autoimmune Disorders Preventing the Enjoyment of Regular Breads and Cakes
The Great Outdoors: Glamping Without Certain Brands of Hot Dog or Grocery Store Buns
National Lampoon’s Wellness Retreat: Stories of Challah Craving Reduction Through Mindfulness and Meditation
Breakfast Club on Millet Toast Will Never Be the Same as Brioche
Some Kind of Wonderful Food Truck Hoagie I Can’t Eat So I’ll Have a Bun-less BLT Again
Pretty in Pink, Prettier in a Collard Green: Mantras to Repeat Until I Believe, or Just Forever I Guess
Uncle Buckwheat Is Not Actually Wheat
Uncle Buckwheat 2: But It Is Earthy and Bitter
Dennis the Menace at Whole Foods Promised I Could Use Buckwheat in Place of All-Purpose Flour in My Mom’s Signature Fluffy Birthday Cake Recipe, but Dennis was Wrong
Home Alone with a Half-Used Bag of $11 Buckwheat Flour and a Dense, Earthy, Cake-Shaped Failure
Sixteen Soy, Vegan, Wheat-Free Candles to Jam into the Buckwheat Puck
Ferris Bueller’s Sick Day Off: Revenge of the Cheat Day Gas Station Powdered Mini Donuts Because Whatever
Weird Science But Science Nonetheless Deciding In Whom and When Celiac Disease Develops From Inflammation Affecting the Gastrointestinal Tract and Causing Damage to the Villi, Which are Small, Finger-like Projections Lining the Small Intestine and Aiding in the Absorption of Nutrients Except in Bodies with Gluten Intolerance Where the Villi Become Shortened and Eventually Flatten Out which Can Cause Diarrhea and Poor Absorption of Nutrients, Abdominal Pain and Swelling, Iron and Vitamin Deficiencies, Low Bone Mineral Density, Itchy Skin Rashes, Defects in the Enamel of Teeth, Chronic Fatigue, Joint Pain, Migraine Headaches, Depression, ADHD, Epilepsy, Poor Growth, Delayed Puberty, Infertility, and Repeated Miscarriages.
Home Alone Again Unless Anyone Wants to Come Over for BLTs, Bunless or on Buckwheat Puck
Nikki is an essayist, humor writer, and pantry dweller in Charlotte, NC. Find more of her work in McSweeney’s, Belladonna, Points in Case, Washington Post, and other fun places on the web. She lives with her husband, three children, and often-debilitating anxiety. She would love for you to follow her @nikkicampo on Twitter or visit nikkicampo.com.