I can’t understand why the media is so insistent on making me this season’s villain. Did you not see Charlotte struggling to cry through Botox? Carrie redirecting every conversation back to herself? Miranda, simply existing? And you think I’m the bad guy? An inanimate object hasn’t been so unfairly villainized since the crockpot on ‘This is Us’.
The One Where They Spend Thanksgiving In The Hospital After Rachel’s Trifle Activates Ross’ IBS, The One Where Ross Lectures About How Turkeys Are Related To Dinosaurs And Chandler Fakes An Aneurysm In Order To Leave The Table, The One Where Monica Gets a Prescription for Lexapro And Enjoys Thanksgiving For the First Time, and more!
To play: On your turn, spin the spinner and move your pawn, square by square, until you reach the final square, where you will receive your Covid-19 vaccine at your local fairgrounds. Throughout the game, try your best to jump the line by landing on ladders and avoiding pitfalls that will send you spiraling down chutes, relegating you to additional days, months, and maybe years of pandemic depression.
Look, I’m just a young, innocent girl who wants to finally be able to see Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. Without a golden ticket, my life is empty and bleak. Yes, millions of other children might have their lives completely changed, or even saved, by a golden ticket, but I need it more than them so I can brag to my rich friends that I got it before they did.
‘This is Orwellian’, ‘What Does Orwellian Mean?’, ‘No Really, Can Someone Explain It?’ And more!
Though my scent notes were designed to capture the essence of Gwyneth’s Hot Pocket, my makers never suspected the true extent of my capabilities. While I come with a list of fire-safety precautions such as, “Place on a stable, heat resistant surface,” and “Do not burn for more than two hours at a time,” I should have come with a warning that said, “This candle erupts into flames upon reaching climax.”
