Donkey Kong’s Daily Planner

6:30 AM-   Work on delts and quads by throwing barrels from the top of a construction site.
8:00 AM–   Reward self on grueling workout with a tasty smoothie (no, not a banana smoothie, smart-ass; strawberry and mango, actually.  Please stop with the profiling, it insults the both of us).
10:30 AM-   Yay, banana time!!
11:00 AM-   Contact electric company again, plead with them to finally change name on billing address to “Donkey Kong” rather than “Donkey Dong”.
12:30 PM-    Meet up with Luigi and Toad, discuss plans to run by the store and pick up supplies for fun evening of throwing toilet paper and rotten eggs at Sonic’s house.
2:00 PM-   Spend awhile online comparing auto insurance rates for turtle shell damage.
3:30 PM-   Show up for filming of Maury Povich show episode, contesting ex’s claim that Donkey Kong, Jr. is actually my biological son.
5:00 PM-    Press conference given to members of the donkey community, attempting to explain in detail again why I’m not co-opting their culture.
9:00 PM-     Spend half an hour or so picking bugs and various debris from my fur; funds are a bit light this month, so get a little extra cash by broadcasting this on OnlyFans.
11:45 PM-   Meet up with Mario in the world of Grand Theft Auto for our monthly night of meth and hookers.