6:30 AM- Work on delts and quads by throwing barrels from the top of a construction site.
8:00 AM– Reward self on grueling workout with a tasty smoothie (no, not a banana smoothie, smart-ass; strawberry and mango, actually. Please stop with the profiling, it insults the both of us).
10:30 AM- Yay, banana time!!
11:00 AM- Contact electric company again, plead with them to finally change name on billing address to “Donkey Kong” rather than “Donkey Dong”.
12:30 PM- Meet up with Luigi and Toad, discuss plans to run by the store and pick up supplies for fun evening of throwing toilet paper and rotten eggs at Sonic’s house.
2:00 PM- Spend awhile online comparing auto insurance rates for turtle shell damage.
3:30 PM- Show up for filming of Maury Povich show episode, contesting ex’s claim that Donkey Kong, Jr. is actually my biological son.
5:00 PM- Press conference given to members of the donkey community, attempting to explain in detail again why I’m not co-opting their culture.
9:00 PM- Spend half an hour or so picking bugs and various debris from my fur; funds are a bit light this month, so get a little extra cash by broadcasting this on OnlyFans.
11:45 PM- Meet up with Mario in the world of Grand Theft Auto for our monthly night of meth and hookers.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence