Favorite Sites On The Dark Web

Mr. Skinned Knee– Photos and clips of all your favorite popular, sexy actresses, all with horribly infected, grotesquely swollen and puffy skinned knees.

FOX News– Literally the only source of news on the dark web (not counting a news / lifestyle podcast co-hosted by Larry Flynt and the reanimated corpse of John Wayne Gacy).

God Hamburger Helpers Those Who Hamburger Helper Themselves– Hundreds of pornographic video clips, all featuring a variety of large, hairy, pock-marked truck-driver types making love to the grinning Hamburger Helper mascot, that sentient hand / glove / whatever the hell it is.

Human Centipeek-a-boo!“If you have a human centipede comprised of seven segments, and two of the segments die due to dysentery and dehydration, how many segments do you have left?” Questions such as these and others allow toddlers and preschoolers the opportunity to have fun learning and developing socialization skills from a grotesque, no-longer-human monstrosity.

eBay– Pretty much just like regular eBay, except that you can buy stuff like babies, internal organs and body parts, VHS copies of that Growing Pains episode where Kirk Cameron freaks out, breaks character and begins whaling on Alan Thicke, etc. etc.

LiterallyYouPorn– Thousands upon thousands of video clips featuring you masturbating to YouPorn videos. But where did those videos come from!? Umm, that camera on your laptop is always on dumb dumb. Maybe think about putting some duct tape on there.

The Clubhouse… No Girls Allowed!!– Round-table style talk show, think of it as The Reverse-View, starring Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Matt Lauer and the reanimated corpse of Ted Bundy.