How To Do The Impossible: Getting Water Out of a Tire


Dry cleaners

Free vacuum from the gas station

Roll tire into a large bag of rice

Phylum porifera (Sponge)

Roll tire into a large bag of silica gel packets

Extract with a syringe and plunge outside of tire

Roll tire into warm climate and wait for evaporation

Hold tire up to a hand dryer in a public restroom

Roll into freezing climate, wait for ice block to form, and remove it

Hold tire up to a pneumatic tube in a bank drive thru

Roll tire through the car wash so the towel guys can dry it off at the end

Add heat to the tire, a half cup of the rice from earlier, and eat cooked rice out of the tire

Build a tire swing and swing all the way around the branch

Add cheese sauce mix, 1 tablespoon of butter, boiled noodles, and eat mac ’n’ cheese out of the tire

Turn tire inside out with the help of an orangutan

Add hydrogen peroxide drops to the tire and put on its side

Invite a crossfit class to go to town on the tire with sledgehammers


Set tire on fire

Shoot it with a gun so the bullet holes will drain it

Construct a michelin man with the tire, grant him sentience, and conduct gastric bypass surgery on him to remove the water

Attach tire to a 2004 Pontiac Aztek and drive it into the back of a tanker truck

Construct another michelin man with the tire, grant him sentience, construct another michelin man, grant him sentience without a conscience, and command the second one to stab the first one to death

Attach tire to a city bus, tell passengers a bomb will detonate if the bus travels below 50 MPH , demand 3.7 million dollars as a ransom, and watch the bus narrowly avoid destruction only to collide with a cargo plane

Construct a michelin man samurai with the tire, construct a samurai clan of michelin men, construct a rival clan that defeats them, and watch as the anthropomorphic tires commit seppuku allowing the water to drain out

Attach tire to a 1966 Thunderbird convertible, go on a secret road trip with your best friend, kill a man who attempts to sexually assault her in a bar parking lot, narrowly outrun the law, and drive off a cliff

Take tire to a local incinerator ($3.00 per/tire)