How To Do The Impossible: Getting Water Out of a Tire

Straw

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Dry cleaners

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Free vacuum from the gas station

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Roll tire into a large bag of rice

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Phylum porifera (Sponge)

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Roll tire into a large bag of silica gel packets

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Extract with a syringe and plunge outside of tire

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Roll tire into warm climate and wait for evaporation

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Hold tire up to a hand dryer in a public restroom

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Roll into freezing climate, wait for ice block to form, and remove it

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Hold tire up to a pneumatic tube in a bank drive thru

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Roll tire through the car wash so the towel guys can dry it off at the end

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Add heat to the tire, a half cup of the rice from earlier, and eat cooked rice out of the tire

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Build a tire swing and swing all the way around the branch

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Add cheese sauce mix, 1 tablespoon of butter, boiled noodles, and eat mac ’n’ cheese out of the tire

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Turn tire inside out with the help of an orangutan

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Add hydrogen peroxide drops to the tire and put on its side

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Invite a crossfit class to go to town on the tire with sledgehammers

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Chainsaw

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Set tire on fire

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Shoot it with a gun so the bullet holes will drain it

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Construct a michelin man with the tire, grant him sentience, and conduct gastric bypass surgery on him to remove the water

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Attach tire to a 2004 Pontiac Aztek and drive it into the back of a tanker truck

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Construct another michelin man with the tire, grant him sentience, construct another michelin man, grant him sentience without a conscience, and command the second one to stab the first one to death

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Attach tire to a city bus, tell passengers a bomb will detonate if the bus travels below 50 MPH , demand 3.7 million dollars as a ransom, and watch the bus narrowly avoid destruction only to collide with a cargo plane

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Construct a michelin man samurai with the tire, construct a samurai clan of michelin men, construct a rival clan that defeats them, and watch as the anthropomorphic tires commit seppuku allowing the water to drain out

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Attach tire to a 1966 Thunderbird convertible, go on a secret road trip with your best friend, kill a man who attempts to sexually assault her in a bar parking lot, narrowly outrun the law, and drive off a cliff

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Take tire to a local incinerator ($3.00 per/tire)