Helpful Hints When You Accidentally Make Direct Eye Contact With the Kiosk Mall Employee

Ignore them.

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Smile and say, “thanks, but no thanks”.

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Freeze in place. Kiosk employees can only see you if you don’t move!

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Drop to your knees and search for your “contacts” then bump into the kiosk so it tips over and you sneak away on your hands and knees.

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Point your finger at them and scream “a gaggle of tween girls is approaching and in desperate need of a make-over”, when they turn to look, run.

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Douse them with pepper spray and kick them in the crotch. Trust us, they deserve it.

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Hiss like a cat, pee on the floor to mark your territory and run away.

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Whip out your 7 Sutra Ionic Heat Brushes from your purse and cry, “What more do you people want from me?”.

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Grab that goddamn heli-wheelie-copter-noise making toy as it flies by your head and ground that shit to pieces with your heel.

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Option 2, leave your child with the salesperson and the toy from hell. Wish them luck, you’ll be back after you’ve finished going through the sales rack at Macy’s.

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Drag the perfume lady from Macy’s over to the kiosk and as the drama unfolds as the two employees try to outsell each other, take your child’s hand, head to the food court to celebrate.

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Look them right back in the eye and ask if they have ever tried Young Living Essential Oils? Watch THEM back away.

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