Don’t attempt to dress up in a better, more colorful costume than your friend. Remember, you’re there to help him get candy. You’re not there to get candy for yourself.
Help your friend to maintain focus. It’s important to not expel all of your energy too early in the evening. There’s plenty of candy out there for everyone! You don’t want to get home and realize that you filled your bag with a bunch of candy that you don’t want; it’s okay to be selective.
It’s a mistake to appear too eager! Have your friend play it cool and hang back from the crowd a bit. The person handing out treats will be intrigued by the indifference, and your friend may end up with a couple of extra fun-size Twix bars in his bag.
No need to compare the amount and selection of candy collected with other trick or treaters. This sort of banter is frivolous, and could even be hurtful if overheard by those dispensing the treats. Remember, they don’t have to do this; they could just as easily turn that porch light off.
Don’t make the foolhardy, novice mistake of rushing home and blindly tearing into the candy. This is not only crude behavior, but could also be dangerous. Carefully unwrap each piece of candy, and examine carefully. Why rush the experience? Be on the lookout for anything that could hurt you, or make you sick.
In the days following Halloween, it’s bad form to brag about the number of variety of candy that you were able to collect. Tacky and classless. Don’t be that guy.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence