Hustler Magazine’s Reasons Why Donald Trump Should Be Our Next President

USA Today has come out against Trump. As is of course their right. To provide the proper balance, however, we are obliged to present this somewhat less publicized opposing viewpoint from the editorial board of another long running American publishing institution. 

Hustler Magazine.

 

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Anyone who has been accused of sexually assaulting underage girls as often as Trump would not only make a fine President, but perhaps even, given time and proper training, the editor of an adult entertainment magazine.

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Both Trump followers and Hustler magazine readers are big fans of seeing Hispanics getting fucked in the ass.

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Hustler’s editorial board has an odd affinity for sweaty, overweight, morally grotesque gargoyles who are somehow still able to attract beautiful women.

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Hustler readers have years of experience with walking into convenience stores, and fighting through the shame and embarrassment, to ask for a copy of their favorite magazine. This experience will make walking into their local voting center and casting a vote for Trump a breeze.

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Trump seems to both hate and be fascinated by women, almost as much as Hustler’s readers and staff.

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Whether you’re attending a local Trump rally, or making a trip to an adult bookstore to pick up the new Hustler, you’ll need to be comfortable being surrounded by dildos.